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   %ROLE PLAY HONEST DECEPTION AWARE VICTIM EMOTION 921028

     Pretense   is   disintegrative  when  is  is  frozen,
required,   expected,   routine,   mandatory,   dishonest,
deceptive, etc.

     We  may be integrative in pretending---if pretense is
used   honestly  as  a  way  to  move  toward  being  more
integrative,   more  imaginative,   more  helpful,    more
sympathetic, more honest,  more understanding,   etc.  Yet
pretense ceases  to  be integrative  when  it  is  frozen,
required,   expected,   routine,   mandatory,   dishonest,
deceptive, hidden.

     Pretending  cease  to be integrative when we  pretend
that we are not pretending.  Pretending may be integrative
so long as participants and observers all are aware that a
creative  game  is  being  played.    Pretending   becomes
disintegrative  when some of the participants cease to  be
aware and/or are not permitted to be aware that a creative
game  of pretending is in progress.  It is not progress to
arrive at the point that pretense is required,  mandatory,
hidden, secret, addictive, collusive, etc.

     The  boundary   between   creative   pretending   and
disintegrative  pretending  is  not  easily  drawn.    The
boundary  is  often  crossed  when  somebody  becomes  the
unknowing  victim of some pretense becoming:  hidden  from
them,   a   secret which victimizes them---rather  than  a
secret which encourages, enables, empowers, liberates,  or
affirms them.

     We  can  make ourselves the unknowing victim of  some
pretense of our own.  We can make each other the unknowing
victims  of  our  own and  each  other's  pretenses.   Our
pretenses may grow into destructive collusions without our
knowing   that   we  have  nurtured  the  development   of
collusions.   We need to work cooperatively to  avoid  the
hazards of creative pretending developing into destructive
collusions.

     We  all play roles.   In our playing roles  we  often
pretend  to be other than who or what we feel ourselves to
truly be.  We pretend to feel, and to have emotions;  when
we do not really have some feelings, some emotions.

     Pretending TO  HAVE feelings and emotions which we DO
NOT HAVE, may in some situations and  on some occasions be
a creative activity. Also, pretending TO NOT HAVE feelings
and emotions WHICH WE DO HAVE;  may in some situations and
occasions be a creative activity.

     Yet,   the  creative  activity  of  pretending  often
degenerates into disintegrative kinds of pretending  which
victimizes  both  those  engaged  in  the  pretense,   and
bystanders who are not active participants.

     Often   the  line  is  crossed  into   disintegrative
activity  when  we  and/or  others  BECOME UNAWARE of  the
difference  between fully  open and honest behavior,   and
creative  pretending.   Often  the  line is  crossed  into
disintegrative  activity  when  we  regard deceptive roles
which  we  and  others  are playing as being real,   true,
honest,  authentic;  and refuse to  deal with the roles as
roles  which are being played as in a dramatic  real  life
play. Often the line is crossed when we require each other
to treat pretense as authentic;  when we  pretend that  we
are  not pretending---and require each  other  to  pretend
that we are not pretending.

     It is  hard,  and perhaps  impossible,    to  imagine
occasions when it is creative to pretend that  we are  not
pretending---or when it is creative  to require each other
to pretend that we are not pretending.

     It  is  hard,   and perhaps impossible,   to  imagine
occasions when it is integrative to require anyone  to  do
what it impossible for them to do; e.g.,

    1.  To be fully in control of some reality over
     which it is impossible for them to be fully in
     control; e.g., other people's emotions, other
     people's thoughts, other people's inner responses---
     or for for that matter, their own.

    2.  To be perfect, without flaw, without
     blemish, never making mistakes, beyond criticism.

    3.  To be other than the person they really are.

    4.  To be dishonest with integrity.

    5.  To support a collusion with integrity.

    6.  To support addictive behavior with their
     whole being.

    7.  To control the outcomes, the consequences,
     of their actions.

    8.  To transcend essential human limitations;
     i.e., limitations which are part of the essence of
     being a mortal human.

    9.  To maintain personal integrity while
     knowingly supporting or tolerating collusive
     activity.

    10.  To play dishonest roles which victimize
     other people.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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