This is http://www.essayz.com/a9210141.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %CONTROL RELATION POSSIBLE DEVELOP OBJECT ANALYZE 921014 When we meet with each other no person can be in control of the development of our relational possibilities. Our relationships are reflexive realities which cannot be controlled as can impersonal objects. People who have been trained in an exclusively objective paradigm are ill prepared to deal with the development of personal relationships---for personal relationships are essentially reflexive in nature. This is especially the case if professional training has been so exclusive as to lead trainees into collusions which mandate that open and honest reflexive relationships be taboo---out of fear that such open and honest relationships might undermine the dishonest games of mutual self deception which characterize the professional collusions. In personal relationships any attempts to control the development of the relationships are bound to elicit from integrative participants in the relationships many feelings, thoughts and attitudes which could not have been anticipated by the persons attempting to control the development of the relationships. Persons who are prone to try to control personal relationships are operating out of fundamentally different paradigms---than are people who regard such attempts as immature, sick, addictive, and disintegative. The people who try to control relationships are ignorant of the nature of the paradigms within which people of integrity live and function; thus in their ignorance the manipulative people cannot imagine the spectrum of possible responses of integrative people, and so they cannot possibly make effective choices through which to manipulate the pattern of responses of integrative people. Manipulative people cannot manipulate integrative people; because the manipulative people are ignorant regarding the paradigms of integrative people. What then about the possibility of manipulative people manipulating each other successfully; for they know about the paradigms of other manipulative people, and can anticipate some of the possible reactions of other manipulative people? Manipulative people are not predictable objects. In fact in the light of the development of our human understanding of chaos in the relationships between inanimate objects; it is clear that no objective relationships of any real interest to humans are really predictable far into the future. Not even the relatively simple relationships between the major objects in the solar system are predictable in the long term. The more complex and interesting any relationships are, the more unpredictable they are. Manipulative people who understand each other's paradigms are constantly devising ways to make their own behaviors unpredictable; so that they themselves cannot be manipulated by other manipulators in the ways in which they themselves want to manipulate others. They as compulsive objectivists behave in a reflexive way to defend themselves against other manipulators like themselves, who are likely to try to manipulate each other objectively. Trying to manipulate relationships leads to ignorance; and to incoherent thoughts, attitudes, decisions, actions, reactions, and responses; i.e., to personal and communal disintegration. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================