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   %DON'T TALK THINK SILENCE RESOLVE AVOID CONFLICT 920829

     Families and communities which have tacit rules which

careful thinking about controversial issues. Much thinking
entails   verbalizing   tentative   ideals, articulations,
putting thoughts into words;  i.e.,  talking to ourselves.
If   we   find  that   avoiding   talking-out-loud   about
controversial  issues is required by our family/community;
we  are likely to avoid  talking to ourselves about  those
issues---and  so avoid thinking about topics which  it  is
not safe to  think about out loud.

     To  avoid  the inhibition  of  clear  thinking  about
controversial   topics  we  need  to  develop  skills   in
truthfully  resolving the conflicts which are at the heart
of  controversial issues.  Conflict resolution has  to  do
with  finding and creating ways to meet the real needs  of
as  many  parties to a conflict as can pointedly  be  met.
Conflict  resolution  has  to  do  with  sorting  out  the
differences  between  people's real needs,  and what  they
carelessly  and thoughtlessly  feel that they need.  If we
cannot  safely  talk  about those differences,  we  cannot
think  about  them  clearly  and  we  cannot  resolve  the
conflicts which lead us  to  be violent and destructive of
ourselves, our families and our communities.  "Don't talk"
rules are disintegrative, evil rules.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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