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        %PERSONALIZE CONFLICT RESOLUTION WIN BATTLE 920805

     It is not simple to see when personalizing a conflict
is disintegrative,  and when it is integrative;  but it is
important to recognize the difference between at least two
different kinds of personalization of conflicts.

     We  may  view  conflicts  as  essentially   conflicts
between the persons who are trapped in the conflicts. Such
a  view involves a disintegrative personalization  of  the
conflicts;  and promotes the continuation of the  violence
of  conflicts as people take sides on opposing teams under
rules where only one team can win the conflict.

     We  may  view  conflicts  as  essentially  rooted  in
conflicting  values  and  ideals  which  the  participants
embody.  The participants may be trapped in disintegrative
roots conflicts  between disintegrative values and ideals.
The   participants   may   be   unwitting   servants    of
disintegrative values and ideals  which  are the real   of
the conflicts.  The participants are tragic victims of the
root  conflicts.   Such  a view does not  personalize  the
conflict  in a disintegrative way;  it helps  participants
transcend the roles which they play as incarnations of the
conflicting root values and ideals.

     When  we  have transcended the view that the  persons
who  are participants in a conflict are the essence of the
conflicts,  and see the participants as tragic victims  of
the  disintegrative ideals which they embody;  then we can
in  an  integrative  way re-personalize  the  conflict  by
learning   how   to   relate  to  the   victims   of   the
disintegrative  ideals and values as real persons in  need
of  sympathy  and understanding.  We can learn to help the
victims   as  persons  to  transcend  the   disintegrative
conflicts between disintegrative values and ideals. We can
learn to treat them personally in integrative ways; not as
enemies  or  evil  persons who  must  be  defeated  and/or
destroyed.   Such personalization  within  the context  of
conflicts  can be highly integrative and  worthy of  great
respect and support.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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