This is http://www.essayz.com/a9106111.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %WISE BASIS DECIDE DESCRIBE DIFFERENCE HEALTHY SEX 910611 We cannot enjoy making wise decisions regarding our expressions of our sexuality if we are not free and able to honestly describe to ourselves and to each other the differences between what we experience as healthy and unhealthy sexuality. All wise decision making is rooted in and dependent upon the clear recognition of differences between healthy and unhealthy experiences, emotions, thoughts, desires, behaviors, decisions and actions. Ignorance and confusion about such differences leads to personal and communal disintegration. Knowledge and clarity about such differences are the foundations for wise decision making. The words and/or concepts of good and "evil" do not apply equally to all experiences, emotions, thoughts desires, behaviors, decisions and actions. There are differences which are not the differences between "good" and "evil". Salt is different from sugar, but that differences is not the difference between something which is good and something which is "evil". We have different experiences, thoughts and desires. Yet not all differences between experiences, emotions, thoughts and desires have to do with being "good" or "evil". The experience of the wetness of water is different from the experience of the heat of the desert; but that difference does not have to do with being good or "evil". Each can be good or evil in particular contexts. Some of our experiences, emotions, thoughts, and desires clearly pertain to our sexuality; other experiences, emotions, thoughts and desires do not pertain in any obvious way to our sexuality. Those differences do not have any necessary relationship to being good or "evil". The experience of wanting and thinking about being sexually intimate with an attractive person is different from the experience of wanting and thinking about drinking a glass of water. The difference between the two experiences does not have any necessary relationship to being good or "evil". We cannot enjoy making wise decisions regarding our expressions of our sexuality if we are not free and able to honestly describe to ourselves and to each other the differences between what we experience as healthy and unhealthy sexuality. We need to recognize and describe the differences we experience without being burdened with the feeling that in each instance we must be preoccupied with whether the realities which are compared, or the differences between the realities which we compare, are "good" or "evil" in nature. It is not good to be always preoccupied with the difference between good and "evil". The knowledge of the difference between good and "evil" is not the key to the kingdom of heaven; it is a key which may be used to open the doors to hell. Some realities and the differences between some realities just exist, are real, and are commonly experienced: and we need to be free to honestly describe to ourselves and to each other the differences between different realities which we experience, and the differences between different relationships which we experience. We need to be free to describe the differences between situations in which the words "good" and "evil" are helpful descriptors and the situations in which those words are not helpful descriptors. The reality is that often we are attracted to another person, and we experience desires, thoughts and emotions relating to the possibilities of intimacy which might become sexual. In other situations we do not experience such thoughts and emotions. It is not always helpful or healthy to be preoccupied with the words good and "evil" in regard to such experiences and the differences between them. In fact it is often unhealthy to be preoccupied with the words good and "evil" in regard to such experiences and the differences between them. To be whole, healthy persons and communities of integrity we need to just accept the reality of many of our experiences, emotions, thoughts and desires; avoiding preoccupations with the words/concepts good and "evil". We need to have healthy conceptions of the realities to which words such as good and "evil" point. We need to know when the use of such words is healthy and integrative, and when such use is unhealthy and disintegrative. We need to be free and able to describe the differences between such situations, many of which involve our sexuality. Words such as the word good point to personal relationships, decisions, and actions which promote dynamically stable, healthy, honest and integrative living on the part of individuals and their communities. Words such as the word "evil" point to personal relationships, decisions, and actions which undermine dynamically stable, healthy, honest and integrative living on the part of individuals and their communities. Words such as the words good and "evil" are generally not used in helpful ways in regards to experiences, thoughts and desires; and such words are often used in unhelpful ways in those regards. We need to transcend any compulsive feeling that we must regularly use such words in regards to our experiences, emotions, thoughts and desires. We often need to avoid the use of such words where they are inappropriate. We need to be free and able to describe the differences between experiences, emotions, thoughts and desires (many of which involve our sexuality) where the words good and "evil" are neither essential nor helpful in describing the realities and the differences. If we are always preoccupied with issues of good and "evil" we are likely to be unable to formulate and share open and honest descriptions of what we know of our own experiences, emotions, thoughts and desires. If we cannot share what we in our inmost selves know about our selves then nobody else can be well informed about us; and in ignorance of us can make no wise decisions relating to us. Too often a preoccupation with words such as "good" and "evil" is associated with tendencies to reject, excommunicate, dis-fellowship, ostracize, neglect, ignore, shun and otherwise disintegrate people with whom the word "evil" becomes associated for one reason or another. This is a paradoxical and tragic reality; for the essence of evil is rejection, excommunication, dis-fellowshipping, ostracizing, neglecting, ignoring, shunning and otherwise disintegrating people who with the word "evil" becomes associated for one reason or another. We need to be free and able to describe what we experience as "evil" behavior on the part of other people, what we experience as good behavior on the part of other people, and the difference between the two kinds of experience. We need to be clear about what words are most helpful in describing those differences: conformal, respectable, conventional, legalistic, judgmental, systematic, formal, prescriptive, constraining, punitive, reactive, manipulative; or accepting, affirming, responsive, sympathetic, affectionate, intimate, communicative, attentive, honest, open, integrative, truthful, liberating, etc. Even though patterns may exist as to which words are most helpful in each kind of situation, there is no perfect correlation between sets of words and situations. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================