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 %CONFLICT RESPONSIBILITY LIMITED TIME ENERGY POWER 910510

     We cannot do all the things that we feel we  "should"
do  because there are conflicting demands made upon us  by
the multitude of things we feel that we "should"  do.   We
"should"   do more than we can do,  and many  people  feel
guilty  when they do not do all the things that they  feel
that  the "should"  do.   Living in terms of long lists of
"shoulds"  tends to be debilitating, wearing,  frustrating
and  undermines any possibility of maintaining  a  healthy
sense of self esteem.

     When we have low self esteem we tend to try to gain a
sense  of  high  self  esteem  by  trying  to   accomplish
something  worthy  of respect;  e.g.,  by doing  something
which  we  "should"   do, so that we  can  feel  proud  of
ourselves.    We  try to earn other  people's  respect  by
trying to do all that we think that they think we "should"
do;    and  rarely are we adequately rewarded for all   of
our trying.     This  lack of reward leads us  to   become
very  trying  people;  trying very hard  to  please  other
people,   and also being very trying to other people.   We
also  tend  to be very trying to ourselves.    We need  to
find  an escape from  the endless list of "shoulds"    and
our preoccupation with such lists.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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