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     %PROPER CONFORM AUTHENTIC UNIQUE CREATIVE SELF 910505

     If  propriety  is defined in terms of  conformity  of
self  to   external  criteria of   acceptability,     then
personal honesty and integrity become impossible.

     When  that which is unique to each person is  defined
to  be   irrelevant   to  propriety   and    acceptability
in  conversation   and  communal dialogue;     then   each
person  becomes   a   conformity   machine,     for   whom
honesty  and personal integrity are irrelevant.

     The person  who  is forced to  conform  to   external
definitions  of propriety and acceptability; does not feel
safe      in     revealing    feelings,       perceptions,
experiences,  beliefs, convictions, doubts, fears,  hopes,
anxieties and other aspects which are uniquely their  own.
Such a person is not free to be honestly themselves,   and
cannot live with integrity; and so cannot be trusted.

     If what it is safe to affirm,  respect,  say,   feel,
think and support is defined by others; who are the others
who have the power to make the definitions?  Who is to  be
given  the power to make the definitions?    By  whom  are
they to be given such dictatorial powers?

     If we are to live our lives in terms of conformity of
self  to external criteria of acceptability,  then we need
to  know how those external criteria of acceptability  are
defined,    and  how and by whom the  definitions  may  be
changed  from  time to time;  unless they  are  presumably
eternal.
    Are  all people to conform to the same set of external
criteria?  Are those who define the criteria to be free of
the  rules of conformity,  or are they also to conform  to
the  criteria themselves?   How are they to transcend  the
criteria, to know when the criteria should be changed?

     Who is  to have the power to change the criteria  for
personal acceptability?   Who give such people such power?
From whom do such people acquire such power?  Is the power
freely  given,  or is it violently taken?   Is  the  power
exercised  with  love and justice;  or with  violence  and
prejudice?     How  can  we  know  the  answers  to   such
questions;   if it is not safe to feel our  own  feelings,
know our  own fears,   experience our own experiences, and
say  what  our own  perceptions  are---without   fear   of
rejection   for failing to properly conform?

     Alienation is the essence of evil.  How can we  avoid
participating  in  evil relationships if we are  alienated
from  all  that is most uniquely our own;  because  we are
trying   so hard to be good according to external rules of
conformity and acceptability.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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