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 %SEXUAL LOVE TECHNIQUE GOAL MEANS BOND ACHIEVE TRY 910211

     For people  who  are in love with each  other  sexual
achievements  are  not goals,  means,  or  techniques  for
impressing  each  other with their power,   lovability  or
acceptability.

     People who  are  truly in love with  each  other  are
comfortable  with their degree of mutual sexuality before,
during  and after they are sexually involved  in  whatever
degree  and  with whatever amount of public  awareness  of
their involvement.

     People who try to use sexuality as a goal upon  which
to  pin hopes in achievements,  find that when they  reach
their  goal  it is like the end of the rainbow on the  far
mountain side; not there when you get there.

     People who try to use sexuality as a means to achieve
goals in business, communal or personal relationships find
that  they  do  not  have  control  over  the  effects  of
attempting   to   become  sexually  connected  for   those
purposes.   Sexuality as a tool is dysfunctional and leads
to   dysfunctional  relationships  and  lives,    whenever
attempts are made to use sex as a tool.

     People who  approach their sexual relationships  with
preoccupations  which  are focused upon the technology  of
achieving  sexual  connections,  find that they are not in
control of the technology or in control of other  people's
responses  to  their  attempts  to be in  control  of  the
technology.

     Sexuality does  not  work effectively  as  a  way  of
impressing  others who seek to be impressed---because true
sexuality is not about manipulations of impressions.

     Sexuality does not yield to attempts to use it  as  a
means.    Neither  does  sexuality yield  to  attempts  to
control  it  when it is regarded as a  threat  or  danger.
Guidelines  for sexuality often become conformal standards
used    as   guidelines   for   rejection,     alienation,
estrangement,   excommunication and dis-fellowship.   When
conformal   standards   for   sexual   lifestyles   become
mandatory,   they  tend  to become evil in the sense  that
they lead  to alienation.

     People who  find that they cannot  use  sexuality  as
their  reliable  tool may come to regard sexuality  as  an
uncontrollable  evil,  and may seek to  control  sexuality
through avoidance,  repression,  suppression, etc.   Their
thoughts  are not logical and are an expression  of  their
sexual  frustration.    They  focus  their  attention   in
inappropriate ways which divert attention from taking care
of personal and communal integrity.  They make their rules
regarding  proper  sexual behavior into idols  which  they
worship  as  of greater importance than either personal or
communal  integrity.  Such  people often insist that other
people  worship the idols which they have created.   Their
behavior is evil in the sense that it leads to alienation.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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