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%COMPLETE WHOLE MISSING PART ABSENT SEPARATE PERSON 910201

     Often  people  have  the feeling that  they  are  not
whole,   that   some  essential part of them  is  missing,
separated from  them.   They seek to find the missing part
of  them, and  often  think  that  they find  the  missing
part   of  themselves in another person;  and expect  that
other  person  to  make them be whole  again  by  becoming
inseparable  from them in "true love".

     If two  such  people meet and regard  each  other  in
mirror  image fashion,  they are likely to become attached
to  each  other,  and their personalities  are  likely  to
become  enmeshed.   They  are likely  to  lose  their  own
individual identities,  and initially think that in  doing
so  they  have discovered true love in  completion.   They
think initially that  each is made whole by the other; and
they  may  think  that  only the other can  make  them  be
whole. They become addicted  to each other. Their union is
thus  a  desperate  attempt  to  find  salvation  in  each
other.   When   they discover that their union is not  all
that  they  expected  of their salvation,  they are  in  a
double bind:  try  harder,  pretend  everything  is  o.k.,
blame each  other  for the failure,  revise  expectations,
give up,  etc.  None of the alternatives looks attractive,
given how they  approached them.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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