This is http://www.essayz.com/a9101101.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %HEALTHY GROWTH INTEGRATIVE DISCRIMINATION LOVE JOY 910110 Healthy growth will be promoted by a coherent theory in terms of which confused people may discriminate between real instance of injustice, abuse, violence, harm, dishonesty, etc on the one hand; and the only apparently similar instances of unhealthy reactions of diseased persons trapped in the various forms of addiction, codependence and collusive games of mutual self deception on the other hand. It is not always easy to recognize the difference between an unhealthy objection, and a healthy objection to some action or expression. Unhealthy people object to healthy behavior about as often as healthy people object to unhealthy behavior. We need to recognize the difference in integrative ways, in terms of a coherent theory which makes clear what the differences are. Unhealthy objections to healthy behavior are rooted in unhealthy patterns of feeling, thought and behavior which are disintegrative because they entail dishonesty and a refusal to deal realistically with reality. Such dishonesty and refusals to deal realistically with reality lead to confusion and to a lack of ability to tell the difference between real instance of injustice, abuse, violence, harm, dishonesty, etc on the one hand; and the instances of unhealthy reactions of diseased persons trapped in the various forms of addiction, codependence and collusive games of mutual self deception on the other hand. People who are imprisoned in collusions, codependency and addictions object to healthy behaviors and expressions of honest feelings, thoughts, desires, needs and wants; because they feel insecure and vulnerable due to their experiences of real instance of injustice, abuse, violence, harm, dishonesty, etc. as children, adolescents or adults. Such real instances lead to confusion within which the difference between healthy and unhealthy behavior and expressions is not clear. In such confusion the cycle not only repeats, it escalates in intensity into systemic and organized violence including war. In the face of the availability of nuclear weapons it is important to reduce the confusion about the nature of healthy versus unhealthy behavior and expressions. Healthy and unhealthy behavior may be distinguished by considerations such as the following: 1. Honestly and realistically facing and dealing with reality; rather than dishonestly avoiding dilemmas or confusing with each other the real dilemmas and problems when they threaten personal and communal integrity. 2. Seeking to sympathetically relate to and be in dialogue with people as they really are; rather than seeking to conform to (or make others conform to) some conceptions of what people should be or express. 3. Honestly and humbly dealing with mistakes made, transgressions committed, injustices perpetuated, and deceptions occasioned; rather than being dishonest, arrogant, pretentious, self-effacing, guilted, shamed, blaming, judgmental, etc. 4. Honestly acknowledging real emotions and feelings and realistically dealing with them in self and others; rather than hiding, repressing, stuffing and otherwise avoiding honesty about emotional responses to events and people. 5. Being personally interested in people as unique individuals; rather than treating people primarily as examples of success or failure in fulfilling some set of ideals, values, shoulds, injunctions and prohibitions which may be formal or informal, explicit or tacit. 6. Being honestly and openly reflexive participants in growing personal relationships; rather than pretending that it is possible to be objective and without personal bias/interest in the personal relationships which are creating one's particular life. 7. Honestly dealing with people as they really are; rather then assigning scripts and roles to people, roles which they do not want, and do not honestly accept. 8. Protecting one's own health and integrity so one can honestly fulfill one's own real responsibilities; rather than being distracted through compulsive preoccupations with other people's lives, dilemmas, problems, thoughts, feelings, embarrassments, etc. 9. Respecting other people's right to be themselves as unique individuals by honestly protecting their own health and integrity to avoid having their personal boundaries violated. 10. Cooperating in meaningful joint ventures freely entered into by all participants; rather than seeking to manage and control others to get them to be, feel, think, and do according to some preconceptions of a presumably superior being. In terms of the above or other similar guideline we may tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy behavior, avoid promoting unhealthy behavior, and so facilitate healthy behavior with a balanced daily/weekly diet of all the kinds of activities which are part of a healthy life. It is important on a regular basis to maintain balance among: work, rest, sleep, recreation, meditation, play, planning, spontaneity, solitude, being in dialogue, intimacy, sexuality, affection, objectivity, reflection, leading, following, taking care of yourself, helping others take care of themselves, budgeting, feeling and dealing with feelings, study, etc. Compulsive preoccupation (in either a focused or aversive way) with any one of the components of a healthy life is unhealthy. Extreme fluctuations in focus and/or aversion are unhealthy. Engaging in activities to impress people and/or avoid their displeasure is usually unhealthy. The leaders (parents, teachers, professors, counselors; religious, political, business, etc.) who will be long respected will be those who help people to internalize and use guidelines such as those above. The leaders who persistently violate the guidelines will eventually be recognized as having been trapped in addictive, codependent and/or collusive patterns of thought, feeling and behavior; and as unable or unwilling to take the twelve steps out of their traps. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================