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   %OCCASIONS GUILT SHAME ALIENATION DISINTEGRATION 901025

     There  are  different occasions in  which  guilt  and
shame    may   operate   to   occasion   alienation    and
disintegration.    It  is important  to   understand   the
differences  between  such occasions,   the nature of  the
difference  between guilt and shame,  how they  relate  to
failures  to  conform,   and how it is  that   guilt   and
shame can  lead  to  alienation  and disintegration.

     True   guilt   has to do with occasions  of  unfairly
causing  harm  to  others  through neglect  or   willfully
improper  behavior.    True  guilt pertains to   violating
contracts, agreements, promises, or integrative laws.

     Shame   has   to do with feeling bad because of   how
others regard  non-conformal behavior,   or are thought to
regard non-conformal  behavior.  Communities whose leaders
demand  and   expect  conformity,   increase  shame  as  a
technique  by which  to try to occasion conformity to what
those  trying to be in control regard as proper  behavior.
Shame  and the generation of shame is often  internalized;
and perpetuates itself in disintegrative ways.

     People     are    often   shamed   by    their    own
judgments   of  themselves which echo  the  disintegrative
belief  system   of their  community.   People  are  often
ashamed of  their  own feelings    and   emotions    which
they    cannot   avoid experiencing.    They  feel  it  is
wrong   to   feel  certain emotions,   and feel that  they
should be in control of  how they  feel.  As a result they
cannot  be honest  about  how they  feel;     and   become
very  confused  about  emotions,  themselves,    shame and
guilt.     They  are  unable   to   think  clearly   about
anything having to do with their sense  of shame;  because
they  feel that they should be in control of what   shames
them,  but they cannot control  what  shames them. It is a
vicious cycle which they often are powerless to break.

     Vicious  cycles  of  shame are  different  than  true
guilt. True guilt   does not originate in  confused cycles
of feelings related   to   unrealistic   expectations  and
pressures   for  conformity.   True guilt has to  do  with
honestly facing what has  been  done and how it has harmed
people   through   the  violation  of  their  rights   and
integrity.    True   guilt  has  to  do   with   violating
integrative rules,  laws,   principles,  and/or guidelines
without good reasons for having done so.  True  guilt  and
vicious  cycles of shame may be confused in disintegrative
ways which need to be avoided.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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