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 %CONTROL SIGNIFICANCE MEANING ACTION SYMBOL BEHAVE 901025

     It is  futile  for  anybody  to  try  to  control the
significance  of  other  people's  decisions,     actions,
and  symbolic behavior.

     The  significance and meaning of people's  decisions,
action  and   symbolic   behavior rests as  much  in   the
process  of perception,    as  in that which is perceived.
Perception  cannot   be  controlled.    Those who  try  to
control   other people's perception are themselves  likely
to be  perceived as  manipulators;   they  are not  likely
to  effectively control other people's perceptions.

     Attempts     to    control   people's     perceptions
are  disintegrative;     i.e.,    the  attempts  lead   to
alienation  between   those   people  trying  to   be   in
control    of  perceptions,    and  those   people   whose
perceptions  the manipulators try to control.

     People  who  are  trying to  control  other  people's
perception are often seeking to achieve acceptability  and
high  self-esteem.   As manipulators they tend to  achieve
the  opposite of  what  they  really want.    Manipulators
are  not  truly perceived  as  being  worthy of acceptance
on  their  own terms.  They alienate themselves, when what
they  want is to enjoy  the  benefits  of   being  members
of  an  authentic community.   Yet they do not  understand
the dynamics of the realities  of authentic communities or
the nature of  joy. They  believe  that  manipulation  and
control   can   play central roles in achieving what  they
think they want.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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