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  %SEX IMPROPER LOVE INTIMACY RELATIONSHIPS HONESTY 900915

     Jack and Jill are falling in love,  but  many  people
believe and feel that Jack and Jill should not be  falling
in love:   They are of different ages,  color,   religion,
nationality,    politics,   language,   social   standing,
education, wealth, power, and/or ethnic origin.

     Intimacy may  not  be welcomed because  it  threatens
collusions of addicts and codependents who seek to control
human  behaviors.    If a community does not  welcome  the
intimacy  between  Jack and Jill it is very difficult  for
Jack  and Jill to develop healthy intimacy and  for  their
relationships  to develop with integrity.   Keeping  their
intimacy secret,  or engaging in deceptions regarding  the
nature  of their relationship undermines the integrity  of
their relationship.

     Collusive  communities   do  not   honestly   welcome
authentic  intimacy,   for  intimacy is a  threat  to  the
dishonesty which is central  to collusions.   In collusive
communities all Jack and Jill's steps towards intimacy are
risky  because of the threats which collusive  communities
issue  to  all persons who dare to be honest with self and
another.

     People who are falling in love need to be honest with
self  and  another  about  the  real  hazards  to  healthy
intimacy,   and they are unlikely to so be honest if there
are  distractions in the form of unsympathetic  intrusions
into their relationship.   People who are falling in  love
need assistance,  encouragement and support in recognizing
the real hazards to and in healthy intimacy which exist in
addictions,    codependence,    collusions,    dishonesty,
imbalance   of   power;    and   major   disparities    in
interests/values/ideals and in  their modes of perception,
understanding   and communication.  The major hazards have
to do with whatever may get in the  way of open and honest
communication  between the lovers.   Such hazards  include
intrusions   by  people  who  are  protecting  collusions,
addictions and codependencies;  and who therefore fear the
possible revelations of  open  and  honest intimate lovers
who threaten to transcend inhibitions to honesty.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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