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     %PARENT TEACH CHILD HOW BEING INDEPENDENT LOVE 900903

     It  is difficult for a parent to teach a child how to
be  independent;  for there is the danger that the  parent
will  imprison the child in too restricted a conception of
what  it  means to be independent.  If so  restricted  the
child  may  not realize that there is a  broader  possible
conception  of  independence,  and not seek  to  be  truly
independent.   Then  the parent will have  imprisoned  the
child in a restricted conception of independence.

     It is difficult for a parent to teach a child how  to
be  independent;  for there is the danger that the  parent
will so restrict the child that the child will react  with
rebellion which will lead the child to live in a perpetual
state  of rebellion within which the child will always  be
acting in ways defined in terms of parental behaviors  and
images.   In  such rebellion the child is chained  to  the
parent.

     In  true independence the child is given the gifts of
freedom  and security within which the child owns its  own
thoughts,  feelings,  behaviors and consequences;  and the
parent  is present to be authentically for the child as  a
supportive  and  comforting parent in times  of  emotional
need.   The  child  is encouraged to be true  to  self  in
thought,  affect, word and deed;  rather than conformed to
some  external standard.  The truly independent  child  is
free and secure in being true to self, rather than defined
in  terms  of  conformity to (or rebellion  against)   any
conception offered by the parent.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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