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   %CODEPENDENT CALLING VOCATION POWER GIFT MISSION 900708

     The  typical  codependent  upon  seeing  the  typical
addict  feels called to service to the codependent and  to
try  to  save  the codependent from his/her  misery.   The
addictive  person appears to be in great need of what  the
codependent  has  to offer,  and it seems selfish  in  the
extreme not to be generous,  and to rescue the addict from
misery.   This calling is as it were a calling from God to
embark on a vocation of salvation,  a  holy mission to  do
for   the  addict  what  the  addict  will  not   do   for
himself/herself.

     In the light of the apparent calling to service,  the
typical   codependent  feels  empowered  to  fulfill   the
mission.   It  seems to the codependent that the power  to
rescue  the  addict is available to the codependent,   and
there  is a duty to put that power to good use.  Would God
call and not empower? All things are possible to those who
trust  in the Lord!  With appropriate faith and  sacrifice
the  addict  can be saved for the Lord!  It is God's  will
that the service be performed willingly and with joy.

     There is a calling.  It is not a calling from God. It
is  the dishonest calling of the addict for service!   The
addict  is  clever  and  senses  the  willingness  of  the
codependent  to  be of service,  and sets out to milk  the
codependent of as much service as is possible.  The method
of  the addict entails sophisticated methods of  deception
and misleading behavior.

     It  is  not  that  the addict  cannot  take  care  of
himself/herself;   but  rather that the addict refuses  to
take care of himself/herself so long as there is hope that
through clever deception others will take care of him/her.
The dishonest hope of the addict springs eternal, and dies
very hard.  In the presence of the willing codependent the
hope is unlikely to die!

     The  codependent would like to believe in having  the
power to save the addict, and hopes by rescuing the addict
to  prove to self (and others)  that the belief in  having
that power is justified.  Such salvation would bolster the
codependent's  low self esteem.  The codependent's need to
save  the addict is rooted in the codependent's  low  self
esteem.  The calling is not from God,  but from the addict
and the codependent's low self esteem.

     The addict  has a low self esteem, which  the  addict
hopes to bolster by proving to self (and others)  that the
addict has the power to have and to hold (to control)  the
codependent,   till death does them part.  The  addict  is
willing to make great sacrifices to prove the point,  even
unto   death!    The  addict  is  willing   to   sacrifice
himself/herself  in  the effort to have and  to  hold  the
service  of another.  Honesty is not too great a price  to
pay! In the great effort the addict sacrifices honesty.

     The  codependent  is unwilling to  believe  that  the
addict  is  willing  to sacrifice honesty in  a  dishonest
effort to milk the codependent of all she/he has to offer.
The  codependent  continues to believe that even when  the
addict continues to be cleverly dishonest, the codependent
has to power to save the addict from himself/herself.  The
codependent  believes in unconditional love;  even to  the
point  of loving the addict much more than the codependent
loves  self.   In "sacrificial love"  the  codependent  is
willing to sacrifice far more to take care of the  addict,
than  the  addict is willing to sacrifice to take care  of
self.  The codependent does not love the addict like self;
but far more than self.  This is NOT a fulfillment of  the
commandment  to love the neighbor as thyself.  This  is  a
dishonest love,  which does not have the power to save the
dishonest addict from his/her persistent dishonesty.

     Authentic love is not absolutely unconditional in its
willingness  to  be of service.   Authentic  love  entails
loving  others  as much as one loves oneself,   not  more.
Authentic   love  entails  helping  others  take  care  of
themselves; not taking care of others who are unwilling to
do  for  themselves what only they can do---to  be  honest
with themselves and others.  Authentic love is not willing
to  play  games of mutual self  deception  with  dishonest
people; it confronts dishonesty with charitable love which
is true to self and others even in the face of dishonesty.
Authentic  love  is integrative love which is true to  the
Word of God which is Truth with Love, Power and Justice.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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