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%DETACH LETTING GO ADDICT LOVER DESIRE ATTITUDE JOY 900705

     For  addictive lovers the process of  detachment  and
letting go of each other is more than an objective process
of   quitting  overt  efforts  to  control  each   other's
behavior.  Authentic detachment and letting go is a matter
of   the  mind,   heart  and  spirit  having  to  do  with
assumptions, desires and attitudes.

     In the process of detachment and letting go addictive
lovers  begin  to  think  about  each  other  in  new  and
different  ways.  Their thought processes change from ones
characterized  by the assumption that it is  desirable  to
control  other people,  to the assumption that  meaningful
relationships do not involve inter-personal control and/or
desire  to be in control.  The thought processes cease  to
involve consideration of techniques for exercising control
and/or the rationalization of being controlled.

     The  process  of detachment and letting go is also  a
matter of the heart;  of the emotions.  The desires to  be
involved  in  "true-love"  (which  is  essentially  false)
decline.   With  the  recognition  of  the  disintegrative
character of addictive-love comes the integration of  mind
and  heart,   and  the letting go  of  addictive  desires,
because  such desires lead to disintegrative thoughts  and
behaviors.   Such  desires  cease to have a  hold  on  the
imagination, and cease to generate misleading motivations.

     The process of detachment and letting go involves the
spiritual   life   in  a  broad  sense  which   transcends
conventional  religious rituals and practices.   Attitudes
and  perceptions  of inter-personal relationships  change.
Ways  in  which  an approach  is  made  to  inter-personal
relationships  change,  and  inter-personal  relationships
cease  to be stuck in static binds;  they move in  dynamic
growth   processes   which   create   and   recreate   the
participants   and   their  spiritual   lives.    Personal
relationships cease to be dominated by physical realities,
and  come  to  be  dynamically lead  by  newly  recognized
realities  of which addictive lovers are barely aware,  if
they are aware of them at all.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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