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  %LOST CHILD TRUST PARENT RISK RECOVER FRIEND SEEK 900621

     The child or youth who learned early that there is no
one who can be trusted,  has a difficult time as an  adult
to learn to trust anyone.

     If all the significant other persons in childhood and
youth abused you and used you,  how are you to know how to
seek and recognize trustworthy others in adult your  life?
If all  others you  have  really known  are untrustworthy,
who are you to trust?

     The adult child needs to learn new lessons  regarding
how to search for and recognize trustworthy people; how to
take safe risks, and how to venture into new relationships
in ways which minimize unnecessary risks.

     How are you to recognize early in relationships those
people who are  likely to be trustworthy?   How are you to
recognize people who are not worthy  of trust?   To  break
out of the isolation  of  not trusting everybody, it helps
to have such questions clearly  in mind, and to be seeking
answers to such questions.

     It helps to know some of the major characteristics of
trustworthy people, and of untrustworthy people:

     Trustworthy people acknowledge their own mistakes and
amend their behaviors accordingly, because they learn from
their mistakes,   and are in  general  open  and honest in
their relationships with others.

     Trustworthy  people  do not manipulate  other  people
overtly  or  covertly.    They  are  not  violent,  either
physically or psychologically.

     Trustworthy people are not pretentious;  they do  not
pretend  to be other than they really are.   They  do  not
pretend to be perfect, or capable of perfection.   They do
not  pretend  to  be able to  save  themselves  by  saving
others.   They do not pretend to be able to rescue  people
who  are  dishonest  and  unwilling to  learn  from  their
mistakes.

     People   who  are  into  addictive  and   codependent
behaviors  are  not usually trustworthy.   People who  are
participants  in collusive games of mutual self  deception
are not trustworthy.  It is dangerous to put much trust in
such people.   It is dangerous to try to save such  people
when  they are unwilling to be honest about their behavior
and its consequences to themselves and others.

     In   seeking  to recognize trustworthy people  it  is
prudent to  take small  risks  to see if particular people
are   worthy   of trust.     Only when  they  have  proven
themselves worthy  of trust where the risk is small, is it
prudent  to trust  them where  the risk is greater.    The
process  of taking  risks should be gradual  and  prudent.
It is not prudent to fall madly  in  love suddenly,    and
to  take  great  risks  all at once.      Doing   that  is
characteristic  of  addictive  and codependent   behavior;
not  characteristic  of   healthy behavior.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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