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%KINDS ACCEPTANCE RESPONSE PERSON ELEMENTS RELATION 900422

     The   quality   and   integrity   of   our   personal
relationships  and communal lives depend upon the kinds of
acceptance  which characterize our lives,   and  upon  the
character of the foci of those kinds of acceptance.

     We  may  note that among the kinds of acceptance  are
those  which we may point to with words/phrases  such  as:
conditional   and/or   unconditional  acceptance   and/or:
rejection,     dialogue,    listening,     responsiveness,
conversation,   conversion,   communication,    affection,
intimacy,  permission, encouragement, judgement, etc.  The
focus  in distinguishing the KINDS OF ACCEPTANCE  is  upon
the manner of responses.

     We  may  note that among the types of  foci  for  the
various  kinds of acceptance are those which we may  point
to/with words/phrases such as:  persons,  things,   ideas,
ideals,   values,   elements,  relationships,   behaviors,
beliefs, principles, laws, rules, institutions,  groups of
people,    organizations,   etc.    The  focus  in   these
considerations is upon the CHARACTER OF that which is,  or
is not, accepted.

     There  are  countless  ways in  which  there  may  be
different  combinations  of  a KIND OF ACCEPTANCE and  the
CHARACTER OF that which is or is not accepted.  We usually
consider   only   a  small  fraction  of  those   possible
combinations;  ignoring the integrative and disintegrative
consequences of many of the combinations which are present
in our daily lives.   We would do well to be more aware of
the  consequences  of the  many kind of acceptance  in our
daily lives, and of the many ways in  which  they  combine
with  the  characters  of  that which  is,    or  is  not,
accepted.

     It  makes a great deal of difference when a person is
accepted   as  a  whole  person  and  welcomed   into   an
integrative community as a whole person; rather than being
accepted  conditionally in disintegrative  ways  depending
upon  the  propriety  of  their  beliefs,   behaviors  and
appearances.

     Acceptance  and rejection of the elements of  persons
on the basis of criteria for judgmental selection; lead to
personal  and  communal disintegration for those who  make
the  judgments,  and those who are judged.   That kind  of
acceptance  and  the manner of selecting the character  of
what   is  accepted  and/or  rejected  lead  naturally  to
personal and communal disintegration or integration.

     Disintegration  is the natural consequence of  taboos
which  make  people  be embarrassed to  witness  open  and
honest relationships among other people.   Participants in
collusive  behavior  support such taboos to protect  their
dishonest  collusive  games  of  mutual  self   deception.
Collusive,   addictive  and codependent people  are  prone
towards   disintegrative  definitions  of  the  kinds   of
acceptance    and/or   rejection,    and   prone   towards
disintegrative    definitions   of   the   character    of
whatever/whomever     is     the     focus     of     such
acceptance/rejection.

     There  are countless ways in which the manner  of  an
acceptance/rejection may be combined with the character of
the  definition of the focus of the  acceptance/rejection.
Each  combination has its own natural  consequences  which
may   be  integrative  or  disintegrative,    visible   or
invisible,  encouraging or discouraging, etc.   We will do
well  to  become  aware  of  the  combinations  and  their
consequences.

     It  will be possible to dramatize the truth of  these
abstract statements with many stories,  plays,  and dramas
which are beyond the scope of these writings.   We will be
served   well   by  people  who  clearly   dramatize   the
consequences of our various kinds  of  accepting/rejecting
whatever/whomever we define as worthy  of  our conditional
acceptance/rejection.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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