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 %HONEST INTEGRATIVE EFFORTS ACHIEVEMENT APPEARANCE 900314

     Honesty  is the essence of both personal and communal
integrity.   Honest efforts are the essence of integrative
behavior.    We are unlikely to succeed in any  meaningful
ways  if  we  engage in dishonest  efforts  to  appear  to
succeed  in  achieving  technical success which  has  been
defined  to  be essential to self esteem,   self  respect,
acceptance, love and affection.

     When  we  do  engage in dishonest efforts  to  appear
successful  we  are likely to tie ourselves in  knots  and
experience  tension  which is rooted  in  our  instinctive
concern regarding the disintegrative  effects of dishonest
efforts.  In such efforts a large fraction of our   energy
goes  into dealing  with the personal disintegration which
they cause.

     We instinctively know that it is important for us  to
avoid  making  false affirmations by appearing to  succeed
when  in  fact  we  are  disintegrating.    We  recognized
instinctively  that  the way to achievements  is  just  as
important as the  appearance  of having been successful in
such an achievement.   The way as well as the  destination
is  of great importance.   The way must be integrative  or
the destination will be disintegrative.

     Meaningful   achievements   are   paradoxically   not
entirely  the result of our efforts.   Trying too hard  to
succeed   can  undermine  the  possibility   of   enjoying
meaningful achievements.   People who are trying too  hard
are likely to be willing  to engage in deceptive behavior,
to  appear to succeed;  when in  fact  their  efforts  are
disintegrative because they are not honest efforts.

     Each  achievement  and  how  we regard  it  makes  an
affirmation regarding the worth of that which is achieved.
We make affirmations not only with words;  but by what  we
work to achieve, by what we achieve,  by how we regard our
achievements  and  by what we appear to achieve.    It  is
importance   that   there  be   congruence   between   our
achievements  and the appearance of our achievements;  for
we   may  make   false   affirmations  otherwise.    False
affirmations   lead   to   both  personal   and   communal
disintegration.

     Apparent  achievers who make many false  affirmations
by  the false appearances of their  apparent  achievements
ultimately fail;  both in the sense of eventually failing,
and in the sense of failing all along the way to be people
of integrity.  Being whole is the essence of paradoxically
being successful.   Disintegration is  the result of being
only apparently successful.

     There    is   no   authentic   enjoyment   of   false
achievements.   The authenticity of joy in success depends
upon   the   authenticity  of   paradoxical   achievement.
Authentic  achievements are paradoxical in that  they  are
not entirely the result of strenuous effort; for strenuous
effort  usually  signals  attempts  to  conceal  dishonest
efforts.

     Many  of  our strenuous efforts are  blocked  by  our
instinctive   awareness  of  the  hazards  of  the   false
impressions  associated  with trying too hard  to  achieve
what  seems to be required to have a healthy self  esteem,
to  earn respect,  to be accepted,  to be loved,  to enjoy
affection.  We are often paralyzed by the combined fear of
appearing to have failed, and having it become apparent to
ourself/others  that we lack integrity in our  efforts  to
appear successful.   We are too often preoccupied with the
appearance  of  achievement of success,   rather than with
being ourselves with personal and communal integrity.

     We need to develop clear languages  by which to point
to these distinctions between false appearances with their
consequences,  and paradoxical success in being whole with
joyful success.  The articulation of such distinctions can
play  an  important   role   in  developing   a   communal
understanding which  will provide  an  integrative context
for meaningful achievements which we can enjoy together in
honest dialogue.

     It  is  more important to be authentically  our  true
self  than  to appear to fulfill the ideals of some  other
person.    Attempting to fulfill other people's ideals all
too  often leads us into deceptive behavior,  as we try to
appear  to fulfill their ideals.   Much of the  stress and
strain of life is rooted in dishonest efforts where we are
trying too hard to appear to be successful.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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