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%HONEST MANIPULATIVE TOUCH AFFECTION LOVE INTEGRITY 900306

     Touching   may   be  either  manipulative   or   non-
manipulative;   it may be part of an pattern of  addictive
and  codependent  behaviors,  or part  of  an  integrative
pattern motivated by genuine love.

     Whether  touching  is healthy or unhealthy is not  an
objective  reality.   Which it is cannot be determined  by
objective   observations,   measurements,    computations,
instruments, experts, etc.

     Whether touching is healthy or unhealthy depends upon
the  quality  of  the relationships among  those  who  are
involved   in  the touching,   and can be judged only   in
the  light   of  honest expressions of  their  experiences
within their touching relationships.

     If there are no such honest expressions which  inform
(directly  or  indirectly)  others  of the nature  of  the
touching  relationships,   then others are not  in a  good
position  to make wise judgments about whether or not  the
touching is  healthy.    If  there are   no   such  honest
expressions  which   inform (directly or indirectly)   the
participants  in  the touching relationships;  then it  is
highly  unlikely  that the touching is healthy.    In  the
absence   of  honest  dialogue,   touching is  likely   to
be manipulative, coercive, unhealthy.

     In  extreme cases touching may become violent and  it
may  be  evident  to those not directly  involved  in  the
touching relationships that the touching is  manipulative,
coercive,  violent,  and unhealthy.   Touching is  healthy
when it is integrative.   Touching is unhealthy when it is
disintegrative.     In  extreme  cases  the  character  of
touching may become objectively evident.  In relationships
what is perceived may depend as much upon the relationship
of   the  perceiver  to  those  involved  in  a   touching
relationships,   as  upon  the  nature  of  the   touching
relationship.    This  becomes particularly  evident  when
there is greed, envy, jealousy, embarrassment, etc. on the
part of the observer.

     It is difficult to draw up healthy rules of morality,
ethics,   law,  etc.   to control all aspects of  touching
relationships.     Control  is  not  appropriate  in  such
relationships;   either on the part of participants or  on
the part of  observers.   Yet, it is possible  to focus in
healthy way  upon  how  integrative  or disintegrative the
relationships and touching may be, and  to  make judgments
about  how  much  respect  and  support the  relationships
deserve.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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