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 %INSECURE CONFORMAL AUTHORITARIAN COLLECT CONFLICT 900130

     Insecure  conformal  people tend to collect  together
for mutual support in conflicts within which they seek  to
win battles against their perceived opposition.  They seek
to  achieve  security by winning battles,  rather than  by
seeking to resolve conflicts.

     Conformal  people  tend to be  authoritarian;   i.e.,
respecting   authority   and  the  use  of   coercion   by
authorities. They are preoccupied by what is right, who is
right,  who has what rights, the right way, righteousness,
correctness,    perfection,    etc.    The   authoritarian
determination of the right answer to these questions is of
ultimate importance to people who are insecure in the face
of ambiguity,  creativity,  many alternatives,   different
opinions,   paradoxes and dynamic change.  In tragic  ways
their efforts to achieve security tend to increase, rather
than  decrease,  their problems and anxiety,  making  them
become increasingly defensive.

     It is often not helpful to push to achieve  consensus
regarding what is the right answer to a question;  for not
all  questions are good questions.  Getting people to make
conformal  statements of belief which are  not  personally
authentic   makes  it  impossible  for  them  to  see  the
connections   between   their   real   beliefs   and   the
consequences of those beliefs.

     Insecure  people  tend  to try  to  achieve  security
through  the  achievement of control;  of self  and/or  of
others.  Yet most aspects of personal relationships cannot
be  controlled in the manner which insecure people attempt
to achieve. Feelings, thoughts, desires, visions,  dreams,
etc.   are  not  objects  which  can  be  pushed   around.
Relationships  between people are not objects which can be
pushed  around;  but rather they are realities which  grow
and change in response to the feelings, thoughts, desires,
visions,  dreams,  etc.  of all people who are involved in
the relationships.  It is dishonest to act as if  personal
relationships  can  be controlled by any fraction  of  the
people involved in them.

     There  is  often a compulsive felt  need  to  resolve
questions;   to determine who wins and who loses,  who  is
right  and  who  is  wrong.  Insecure people  want  to  be
winners,   and  to  be winners they need to know  who  the
losers  are.   Losers are insecure people who want  to  be
winners;  who need to put others down into the position of
loser.   The  dynamics  of  this  process  perpetuate  the
disintegration  of communications which are  essential  to
personal and communal integrity.

     Open   and  honest  communication  is  essential   to
personal  and  communal  integrity.   Preoccupation   with
consensus  regarding  group  statements  of  belief  often
confuse  the evidence regarding the consequences of people
living  with  particular personal beliefs  and  attitudes:
real   personal   beliefs  are  hidden   under   conformal
statements  of group belief,  and the connections  between
authentic beliefs and the real consequences of beliefs and
action  are  hidden.  When consequences are hidden  people
cannot  learn from their own mistakes or the  mistakes  of
others.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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