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%ADDICT CONTROL FUTURE BEHAVIOR RESPOND PAST SPEECH 900125

     People who are into addictive processes are prone  to
try  to  secretly  and  dishonestly  control  the   future
behavior  of others;  rather than be inclined  to  respond
openly  and  honestly  to what has already been  said  and
done.   There are differences between addictive  behaviors
and healthy behavior:  future versus past,  control versus
response, secret versus open and honest.

     The   person  who  is  into  addictive  processes  is
fundamentally insecure and lacks healthy self esteem;  and
so fears the future and what it may bring.  Such a  person
is  prone  to  try to engage in attempts  to  control  the
future which exists primarily in their fears;  and so real
persons  become the victims of their secret and  dishonest
attempts to exercise control.  People often become victims
because  the addict fears that people may do something  in
the  future,   more  than because of any  harm  which  has
already been done.

     The  addict seeks to be in control to bolster a  weak
self esteem and to gain an appearance of security.  To  be
open and honest in personal responses is unthinkable to an
insecure addict, because it entails vulnerability.

     The  addict  is insecure and does not  feel  safe  in
being  open  and honest about efforts to  control  others;
secrecy  and deceptive behavior are essential to the  kind
of control which the addictive person seeks to achieve.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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