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   %MYSTERY HOLY THOU RESPONSE CONTROL REGULATE SEX 891220

     The nature of our lives flows in large part by how we
respond to that which is mysterious and holy in our lives.

     Our  lives tend towards meaningless sterility  if  we
regularly  respond  to  the mystery  of  I-Thou  and  holy
relationships   with  efforts  to  ignore,    analytically
understand, predict, regulate and control.

     We  get  into trouble when we make assumptions  which
lead  us  to perceive the mysterious and the  holy  to  be
embodied  in  particular  objects,   places,   procedures,
regulations,  technologies, etc.  That which is mysterious
and holy is encountered in personal relationships:  not in
things,  places,  procedures,  regulations,  technologies,
etc.   which  can be analytically understood,   predicted,
regulated and controlled.

     The  keys to meaningful lives are not to be found  in
analytic understanding, prediction, regulation and control
of   human   relationships.   Addicts   and   codependents
illustrate  this  fact in their daily lives:  but not  all
people who have eyes to see can see what their daily lives
illustrate.

     It  is a mystery why many people compulsively try  to
eliminate  and control mystery through the use of  various
procedures  and technology.  Those who are most successful
in eliminating mystery and holiness from their  lives---do
so  through  their  participation in  collusive  games  of
mutual   self  deception:   by  closing  their  eyes   and
pretending  to  see  in  keeping with  their  mutual  self
deceptions.  They become very confused and disintegrate in
lives   devoid   of  joy  and  meaning.   Their   personal
relationships  do  not  satisfy them,  and  they  turn  to
addictive  technologies in efforts to discover  satisfying
technical  procedures by which to restore meaning to their
lives;   through control without mystery in the absence of
the holy.

     The   integrative education of each  new  generation,
to  help young people to learn to respond in healthy  ways
to  the  mysterious and holy,  is not a  simple  technical
procedure;   it  entails in essential ways that  which  is
mysterious  and holy,  and so cannot be fully under  human
control.

     Usually  the student has less power than the teacher,
professor, mentor, or parent. The student is in a position
of  vulnerability  relative to the educator who  seeks  to
lead   the   educational  process.   Power  corrupts   and
undisciplined  power  corrupts absolutely.  Thus there  is
need for some form of discipline in educational processes;
especially in educational processes pertaining to intimate
relationships in which we encounter the holy mysteries  of
life.   Yet even sincere attempts to  control  educational
processes  (to  avoid  abuse of power)   can  mislead  the
educational  process  in tragic ways;  because those  with
power tend to seek to be in control in paternalistic ways.

     Objectivity and scientific analysis are not the  keys
to  responsibility  in  attempts to educate  young  people
responsibly with respect to the mysteries of holy intimate
relationships.  People who are compulsively objective  and
scientific   are  not  incarnations  of  wisdom  regarding
mystery, the holy, or healthy intimate relationships. They
are  not  ideal educators because the educational  process
occurs  as much through being examples with integrity,  as
through cognitive instruction.

     The  deepest  mysteries are encountered in  the  most
intimate  relationships  which are characterized  by  both
vulnerability   and   security;   and  by  the   risk   of
vulnerability   leading  to  abuse.   Education  regarding
intimate  relationships is ineffective in the  absence  of
appropriate  intimacy;   and  risky  in  the  presence  of
appropriate  intimacy.   Each society struggles  with  the
dilemma of drawing the distinction between integrative and
disintegrative   intimacy  in  the  educational   process;
whether it be in the home,  church,  school,  college,  or
university setting.

     Integrative intimacy is characterized by openness and
honesty  which  entail  vulnerability;  and  the  risk  of
powerful  people abusing those people who are  willing  to
enter into open and honest relationships.  Those who  seek
to eliminate all risk,  thereby eliminate the  possibility
of  authentic education regarding that which is mysterious
and  holy.  It is unwise to grant to particular people the
power  to control the process,  for with that power  comes
the risk of abuse also.

     These  considerations  are  particularly  significant
when   dealing   with  the  sexual  aspects  of   intimate
relationships.   The risks of abuse are particularly great
when  attempting  to engage in  helpful  sexual  education
which  is  authentic,  open,  and  honest.   Authenticity,
openness  and honesty regarding sexuality tend to open  up
the possibilities of becoming sexually involved. The risks
involved in trying to insure (through controls) that there
will  never be any abuse are equally great.  The avoidance
of  authenticity,   openness and honesty as ways to  avoid
abuse,   leads to a failure to helpfully educate regarding
all  that which is mysterious and holy in  intimate  human
relationships.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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