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   %RECONCILIATION RESTORE TRUST DIALOGUE RISK LOVE 891013

     Where  the behavior of one person/group  has  led  to
the deterioration of trust; there dialogue and risk-taking
may  be engaged in by parties to the alienation,  to  help
restore trust through reconciliation.

     In  such  a  context  any failures to do  the  little
things  which involve little risk and which would tend  to
promote  reconciliation and trust,  will be failures  with
great significance to the participants in the alienation.

     Such failures to take little risks are most likely to
be  taken  to  mean that there is a lack  of  interest  in
reconciliation,   that  the persons failing to  take  such
little   risks   regard   their  offensive   behavior   as
justifiable,   that  they are still on the  offensive  and
defensive,   and  are  fearful of even  a  little  bit  of
vulnerability.

     In  situations in which trust has been  destroyed  by
offensive  behavior  it  is not  enough  to  refrain  from
further like offensive behavior.  Reconciliation will  not
occur  unless  participants  in the alienation  go  beyond
refraining  from  being  offensive,  and  move  to  taking
prudent  little steps towards reconciliation which involve
prudent small risks.  If others involved in the alienation
do not take unfair advantage of the personal vulnerability
of such small risk takers,  then larger personal risks may
prudently be taken and bigger personal steps taken towards
reconciliation. This can be an escalating process, just as
well  as disintegration can be an escalating process.   It
must  be  started with deliberate steps which  do  involve
some small risks prudently taken.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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