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     %LACK LOVE MANIPULATE COERCE VIOLENT TECHNIQUE 890909

     People  who have not enjoyed real love often turn  to
the  use of coercive and manipulative techniques to try to
achieve/get  that which they think they lack.  The do  not
know  just  what it is that they lack and have missed  out
on,  not having experienced it in any real way. Yet,  they
may think that they know.

     In their ignorance due to their lack of experience of
real  love,   they do not know that real love can  not  be
achieved  or  gotten  through  the  use  of  coercive   or
manipulative techniques.  They do not know that real  love
is  given  as a gift and accepted as a gift  in  authentic
personal  relationships.   Real love is not  a  possession
which can be owned,  bought,  sold,  stolen,   controlled,
lost.   Real love is not lost in the giving.  Real love is
not gained through stealing. Real love is not controlled.

     When  people  who  have not known  real  love  get  a
glimpse  of real love,  they are tempted to try to hang on
to  it and to gain control of it.  They are tempted to try
to own,  buy, steal,  or control that which is glimpsed as
sweet  beyond words.  They seek manipulative techniques by
which to gain assurances of love through systems of  laws,
morality, ethics, propriety, government, etc. They seek in
vain, not knowing the real nature of real love.

     When  people  who have not known real love, who  have
fallen  into  addictive,  codependent,   and/or  collusive
patterns  of  behavior,  get more than a glimpse  of  real
love,   and learn of its demands for authentic giving  and
receiving  in  open  honesty;   they  are  likely  to   be
terrified,   and  find it impossible to take  the  demands
seriously.   There must be something wrong with the people
who suggest that real love makes such demands. They cannot
believe  that the fulfillment of the demands for authentic
giving  and receiving is connected in essential ways  with
the  fruits of real love which call so sweetly.  In terror
they avoid the changes in their lives which are called for
by real love.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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