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 %CONFUSED FEELINGS DESIRES DUTIES RESPONSIBILITIES 890904

     Jill  is  confused about  duties,   responsibilities,
feelings and desires;  what they are,  what they are  not,
and what they call for.

     Jill  often  regards her desires as pointing  to  her
responsibilities,   and  feels that Jack should honor  the
responsibilities  which are in reality perceptions of  her
own desires.  Jill does not properly claim her own desires
as   her   own;    she  projects   them   as   being   her
responsibilities.

     Jack does not desire that which Jill desires.    Jack
sees  no  reason that he should be regarded  as  having  a
responsibility  to do that which he does not desire to do,
but which Jill desires. Jack does not claim Jill's desires
as his own responsibility.

     In her confusion Jill does not own her own desires as
such. Instead Jill regards her desires as responsibilities
which she and Jack should share and honor.  Jill tries  to
project  her  desires upon Jack and to get Jack to  regard
her  desires as in his responsibilities.  Jack is confused
by  Jill's confusion and in their confusion Jack and  Jill
suffer conflicts which they cannot understand or  resolve.
They  become  violent in their confused  conflicts;   they
coerce  and manipulate each other in their tragic  efforts
to  be  faithful to their differing conceptions  of  their
responsibilities.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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