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 %GIVE SELF AUTHENTIC MEANING SECURE CONTEXT OTHERS 890727

     We   can   give   of  ourselves   authentically   and
meaningfully  only  to  the  extent  that  we  enjoy   the
advantages of a secure context given to us by those around
us.

     We can enjoy the advantages of a secure context  only
to  the extent that we willingly grant a secure context to
those around us.

     We cannot achieve a secure context for  ourselves  at
the expense of those around us.

     Trying  to  achieve  a secure  context for  ourselves
through  defensive maneuvers puts those around us  on  the
defensive;    a   maneuver  which  is  a  declaration   of
insecurity.

     This should not surprise us; for,   trying to achieve
a secure context for ourselves through defensive maneuvers
is our declaration of our insecurity.

     We   can   give  of   ourselves   authentically   and
meaningfully  only  to  the  extent  that  we  accept  the
advantages  of  a  secure context offered to us  by  those
around us.

     If  we  do not accept their offer we thereby  declare
our insecurity and our tendency to be on the defensive; we
are not enjoying the secure context which they offer.  Our
rejection  of their offer tends to encourage them to be on
the  defensive;   to  be insecure.   If  they  accept  our
encouragement to be on the defensive we all lose.

     Defensive games are lose-lose games.

     Games  in  which we authentically  offer  each  other
security are win-win games.

     There  is  NOT a limited amount of   security  to  go
around.  Security is not a conserved quantity. The more we
give security to others,  the more security there is to go
around.

     We cannot  have security for ourselves unless we give
it to others.

     We  cannot  have security unless we  accept  it  from
others.

     The   way   to   live  is to  love   others   as   we
first truly love ourselves.  The way to die is to distrust
others as we distrust ourselves.

     To  love is to seek to promote wholeness,  integrity,
health, and security for all around us.  We cannot love if
we cannot trust ourselves because we are dishonest.

     The  way  to  live  is to take  God's  steps  towards
honesty  towards ourselves and towards others;  i.e.,   to
pray authentically,  not as a technique to achieve control
or any other goal.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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