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 %CONTROL PEOPLE RELATIONSHIPS THINGS CAUSE EFFECTS 890627

     It  is  not always clear just what it is that  people
are  trying to control:  things,  people,   relationships,
causes,   effects,  perceptions,  appearances,   thoughts,
feelings, beliefs?

     Any  attempt to be in control must be based upon some
preconception  of cause and effect and some  preconception
of  the nature of the possible relationships between  self
and  others.   To be in control means being able to  cause
some chosen effect to occur, by choosing to behave oneself
in  ways which will cause others to behave so as to  cause
the  desired effect to occur.   Being in control of others
means  being in control of self so as to cause  others  to
behave according to self's plan.  This entails some theory
of how others will behave in response to self's behavior.

     Any attempt to be in control of others' behavior will
fail if the theory of how they will behave is faulty.   If
Jack  thinks  that  other people think and  feel  as  Jack
things and feels, and they do not;  then Jack will fail in
his  efforts to be in control of other people's  behavior.
To  be  in  control  one must know those  whom  one  would
control, and know them well.

     Trying   to   be  in  control  of  people   generates
alienation between the controller and the controlled; they
play  games of mutual self deception and do not know  each
other well.  To be in control one must know those whom one
would control, and know them well.   The attempt is doomed
to failure!   Yet, such attempts do not cease because they
entail  games of mutual self deception according to  which
the attempts are not futile.   The process of trying to be
in  control  is  a dishonest process of trying  to  be  in
control  of appearances;  even if not being in control  of
reality.

     Things  behave  according  to  the  natural  laws  of
natural  objects;   e.g.,   Newton's Laws  of  motion  and
gravity,    Maxwell's   laws   regarding   electromagnetic
processes, and the laws of quantum mechanics.   Things can
not be caused to violate these laws; scientists manipulate
things  by  understanding these laws and  by  choosing  to
modify  their  own  scientific behavior to get  things  to
behave in keeping with natural laws in ways which  satisfy
the desires of the scientists.

     People  do not behave according to natural laws which
describe  personal  behavior with the reliability  of  the
laws of Newton, Maxwell and Quantum Mechanics.   There are
no  descriptive  laws which describe human  behavior  with
such reliability.   To believe that such laws exist in the
abstract but unknown to people, is a futile exercise which
serves no helpful purpose.

     People  do  behave  in general  patterns,   but  such
general patterns do not provide a reliable means to be  in
control of people the way in which scientific laws provide
means for the manipulation of impersonal objects.   People
who  feel  that  they  are being  manipulated  respond  in
unpredictable   ways   precisely   to   avoid    effective
manipulation.    By being unpredictable real people  avoid
effective  manipulation.   Part of the process of avoiding
effective  manipulation is the process of  misleading  the
manipulators into thinking that they are being successful.

     Manipulation leads to alienation because manipulation
leads to efforts to avoid manipulation through  misleading
responses  to  manipulation.   People do not  like  to  be
controlled  and find ways to be themselves with  integrity
in spite of efforts to control them.   Attempts to control
people  fail  because such attempts are based  upon  false
preconceptions,    and  the  attempts  lead  to  deepening
ignorance regarding the relationships among the people who
are to be controlled.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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