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  %LOVE NONVIOLENT INTEGRATIVE CONFLICT DESTRUCTIVE 890605

     Not  all conflict is violent or  destructive.    Some
forms  of conflict are creative and integrative.    It  is
important  to know the difference between destructive  and
integrative conflict; and to work to move all conflicts in
the direction of personal and communal integration.   When
conflicts  are not moved in integrative ways they tend  to
move  in  disintegrative  ways that lead to  violence  and
destruction.

     Conflicts  become violent and destructive  when  each
side  of  the  conflict  insists  on its  own  way  in  an
exclusive  way  which denies the merits  of  the  opposing
side.   In such conflicts dialogue breaks down, people are
uninformed and do not understand each other, and so people
can   not   make  wise  decisions  based   upon   reliable
information  and  mutual understanding.   Conflicts  which
move  people  in  alienative ways  lead  to  violence  and
destruction.   In conflicts all participants need to  work
to avoid alienation.

     Attempts   to  bolster  self  images  through   self-
righteousness  lead to alienation.   People who lack  self
confidence and self esteem tend to feel threatened and try
to   bolster  their  self  images  through  self-righteous
defensive posturing and aggression.   Defensive aggression
is  a  statement  of  insecurity,   not  a  technique  for
achieving security.

     Security  is  the  freedom to  be  vulnerable  within
integrative  conflicts.    Secure  people are free  to  be
intimate  in open and honest dialogue.   Real security  is
not achieved through defensive techniques or technologies.
Real security is given through creative efforts to achieve
the  integrative resolution of conflicts which threaten to
lead    through   alienation,     ignorance,     distrust,
defensiveness,   aggression,  and violence to personal and
communal disintegration.  Real security is not achieved by
people  for  themselves;   it is  given  to  opponents  in
conflicts through reconciling Love.

     When people do not give their opponents real security
they become insecure and destructively violent.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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