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  %ADDICTIVE DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP ELEMENTS CHANGE 890406

     In  human relationships people are created  by  their
relationships,    as   much   as   people   create   their
relationships.  It is difficult to make an honest case for
perceiving   people   as   existing  first,    and   their
relationships as being created by people who exist  first.
One  can just as well contend that people's  relationships
are primary,  and that their individual characters are the
consequences of their relationships.

     Addicts   and  codependents  are  created  by   their
relationships  as much as their relationships are  created
by their individual characters and behaviors.

     It may be that it will be more helpful to focus  upon
the  relationships of addicts and their codependents  than
just  upon the addicts and their codependents  themselves.
The  relationships  may be more readily changed  than  the
individuals  who participate in the relationships;  and it
may   be   that   when  the  relationships   are   changed
appropriately,   the individuals who have been trapped  in
the relationship will naturally change without coercion or
rebellion.

     Individuals  rebel against intrusion by outsiders who
try  to change the individuals.  Human  relationships  are
part of communal patterns of relationships. Changes in the
communal  patterns of relationships may be  instituted  by
institutions  in such ways as to discourage addictive  and
codependent  relationships,  and to encourage  integrative
personal relationships which transcend the collusive games
of  mutual  self deception which are so characteristic  of
addictive and codependent relationships.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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