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   %DEFINE ADDICTION POWER DECEIVE TEMPT LIE HONEST 890311

     Anne Wilson Schaef in her book "When Society  Becomes
an  Addict"   seeks  to  clarify  the  root  character  of
addiction;   pointing  to powerlessness,   compulsive  and
obsessive  behavior,   deception,  denial,   covering  up,
temptations  to  lie  and  unwillingness  to  give  up  an
addictive behavior pattern.

     Schaef  defines  addiction thus:   "An  addiction  is
anything  we feel tempted to lie about.  An  addiction  is
anything we are not willing to give up (we may not have to
give  it up and we must be willing to do so to be free  of
addiction.)"  This is a useful definition,  yet there  are
problems with it.

     In  an addictive society patterns of collusive  games
of  mutual  self deception make it  difficult  to  survive
while always being open and honest about yourself and your
relationships with others.  The society requires deception
as  a  condition for survival.  Any direct threat  to  the
games  of mutual self deception can be very costly to  the
person who does not play according to the rules of  mutual
self  deception.   In an addictive society the  person  of
integrity will inevitably be tempted to be less than fully
open and honest;  i.e.,  tempted to leave others with less
than fully accurate impressions of them.

     There  are no clear boundaries between outright false
statements  made with full knowledge that they are  false,
and behaviors which leave others with false impressions.

     In  some circumstances it is virtually impossible  to
avoid leaving some people with false impressions.  They do
not  want to know the truth.  They make false  assumptions
about   possible   alternatives,   and  draw   unwarranted
conclusions on the basis of people's behavior as to  which
alternatives  are pointed to by people's behavior.  If  as
colluders  they  exclude from possible  consideration  the
real  situation,   then it is impossible to avoid  leaving
them with a false impression.

     When confronted with colluders determined to be  left
with false impressions,  it is not necessarily integrative
to make a frontal attack upon their collusion in an effort
to avoid leaving a false impression.

     In  a  addictive  society the best  that  integrative
people  can do is to seek to move human  relationships  in
the  direction of open and honest conversations,   and  so
towards  conversions.  This may entail wise choices as  to
when  to  confront  the dishonest  games  of  addicts  and
codependents; often leaving colluders with less than fully
accurate impressions.

     It is not always easy to tell when another person  is
ready   for  and  willing  to  accept  the  truth  in   an
integrative way. It may be wise to refrain from presenting
a truth too forcefully; to call each consideration of such
restraint a temptation to lie about an addiction is itself
to participate in the addictive/codependent paradigm.

     The  reality of lying and deception entails more than
just  one person.  The persons who are mislead often  play
just  as  significant a role in the deception  as  do  the
people  whose behavior and communications may be  regarded
as lacking in honesty.  People who are unwilling to accept
and   respect   honest   communication   bear   as    much
responsibility for misleading behaviors and communications
as  do  the  people  who  actively  engage  in  misleading
behaviors and communications.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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