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    %LEARN FROM EXPERIENCE MISTAKES FAILURES ERRORS 890302

     To  learn from our experiences we must admit that  we
are not perfect,  that we cannot achieve perfection,  that
we have made mistakes and failed in various ways.

     Any  inclination to pretend that we are perfect,  can
achieve  perfection,  or that we never make mistakes is an
inclination  which will block progress towards that  which
we pretend to have already achieved.

     Learning  comes from taking note of the  consequences
of our own decisions and actions. We can learn from taking
note  of the consequences of other people's decisions  and
actions,   but such learning is not likely to occur if  we
can  not learn from taking note of the consequences of our
own  decisions and actions.  This requires that we be open
and  honest  with ourselves and  others  in  conversations
which  can  convert  us  from tendencies  to  repeat  such
mistakes.

     Addicts  and codependents are prone to  be  dishonest
with  themselves  and others;  and so to  repeat  mistakes
about  which  they cannot converse  openly  and  honestly.
Because  of  their tendency to be dishonest they  can  not
learn from their mistakes.

     Codependents  who  help  addicts  to  survive   their
mistakes without learning anything from their mistakes  in
turn  do not learn from their mistakes as codependents  in
performing  excessive  rescue  missions  of   self-serving
mercy.

     People  who cannot see their own mistakes openly  and
honestly  in the context of communal conversations  cannot
learn  well  from their mistakes.  They cannot be well  in
learning  from their mistakes.  They often believe that to
be  well  and  acceptable involves  not  making  mistakes,
rather than learning from mistakes.

     To  teach children how to learn from  their  mistakes
the  children need to be accepted and supported with  love
when  they  make mistakes,  and helped to learn  from  the
mistakes  that  they do make.  When children are  rejected
affectively because of the mistakes which they make,  they
learn that they must pretend not to make mistakes in order
to  be  accepted;   then  they  cannot  learn  from  their
mistakes.   Such rejections lead to patterns of  addictive
and codependent behavior through which people seek to earn
acceptance and love through manipulative deception.

     It  is  important to learn from our mistakes  and  to
understand   the   childhood  roots   of   addictive   and
codependent  behavior.   Otherwise our  mistakes  will  be
repeated  generation after generation in a tragic cycle of
well    intended    behavior   which   is    mislead    by
misunderstanding and ignorance.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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