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  %RECOGNIZE DIFFERENCE AUTHENTIC PERVERT LOVE WISE 881226

     The integrity of a community and its members  depends
upon     their    ability  and   practice,    in    wisely
recognizing and  dealing   with  the  differences  between
authentic and perverted love.

     Authentic  love  leads people to be open  and  honest
about  their  desires  to  enjoy  personal  and   communal
integrity.   In authentic love relationships,   people who
are  secure in honestly being the unique people  they are,
seek  to   be  united  in cooperative efforts  with  other
people   who  are likewise secure in honestly being  their
own unique selves.

     Perverted  love  leads people to be  deceptive  about
their    desire  to  be  powerful  and  in  control,    to
compensate  for   their   lack of  personal  and  communal
integrity.    In perverted  love  people  who are insecure
and  lack   self  esteem,   seek  to  use  each  other  in
defensive  maneuvers  to try to  get fixes for their  own
lacks.       They   who   lack authentic  love   seek   to
substitute   for   it  the   fixes    of  perverted  love.
Their  success in the   pretense   is   a measure of their
desperation.

     All  too  often "falling in love"   is the process of
becoming  trapped in mutually addictive  relationships  in
which  each participant is addicted to the other person as
a   fix for personal inadequacies.     Authentic love   is
not     a    fix   that    compensates    for     personal
inadequacies.     In authentic  intimate relationships the
participants  are not trapped    in   the    relationship.
Their    authentic  relationship   is   not  an  exclusive
focus  of their  lives,  but  rather a relationship  which
puts  their whole life  in focus   in  such  a  way as  to
promote both  personal  and communal integrity.

     Authentic    love    promotes   open    and    honest
communication.     Perverted   love   seeks   to   control
communications  according to some preconceived pattern  of
what  is  proper to the person  seeking to be in  control,
legitimate or advantageous.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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