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  %MUTUAL VULNERABILITY ACCEPTANCE ASSISTANCE TRUST 880425

     Healthy  interpersonal  relationships  entail  mutual
vulnerability, mutual acceptance and mutual assistance.

     To  be  open  and honest  in  intimate  relationships
entails  vulnerability.    Healthy  relationships  do  not
entail lying,  misleading behavior,  deception,  trickery,
manipulative communications,  secrecy, etc.  Offensive and
defensive   behaviors    are    not   part   of    healthy
inter-personal  relationships.     In satisfying  personal
relationships   the  participants are vulnerable  to  each
other,  yet secure  in their  vulnerability;    free to be
vulnerable and secure  in  mutual  trust.

     Personal acceptance entails neither personal approval
nor    disapproval   of   a  person  or    the    person's
behavior. Personal acceptance has to do with being willing
to engage in open and honest dialogue with another person.
Personal acceptance excludes the possibility  of  personal
rejection.   Personal   acceptance   is  not   a temporary
refraining  from personal  rejection.    So  long  as  the
possibility  of personal  rejection  is  present, there is
no    personal    acceptance.        Personal   acceptance
entails  a    profound  commitment     to  promoting  both
personal   and   communal  integrity   as   of    ultimate
importance.        Healthy  interpersonal    relationships
entail   personal   acceptance   on  the   part   of   all
participants.   Participants  reject    the    possibility
of  threatening    or   using  personal   rejection     as
a  manipulative   tool   by  which  to  try   to   control
people's behavior.

   Helpful personal  assistance  does not involve stealing
from   other     people   their   responsibility   to   be
responsive  regarding   their   behavior.      All  people
have    the responsibility  to relate to others and to  be
in  dialogue about how their behavior relates to  personal
and   communal integrity  within  the  community.     Each
person    has   the  responsibility   to   promote    both
personal  and  communal integrity,   and to participate in
honest   conversation  about  how  they  are  seeking   to
promote   integrity.     Only through   open   and  honest
dialogue  about efforts to promote  integrity  can members
of a community discover the most helpful ways  to do so.

     Trust  is  one  of the fruits of  the  acceptance  of
others  and  of mutual vulnerability.   Trust  is  earned.
Trust   cannot  be helpfully demanded of others.    To  be
trusted   one   must  be trust worthy,  worthy  of  trust.
Trust  is elicited through   trustworthy    behavior    in
open    and   honest conversation which converts suspicion
into trust.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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