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               %DETACHMENT FROM ADDICTIVE PROCESSES 880420

     Addictive processes  tend to suck  overly responsible
people   in.    Concerned  people  try  to   be   helpful.
Responsible  people  increase their self esteem  by  being
responsible,  fulfilling perceived duties.  In the absence
of duties to fulfill self esteem might fall.   Responsible
people seek out responsibilities to fulfill.   People  who
are  engaged in addictive processes find their fulfillment
in  taking  advantage of responsible people,  giving  them
many responsibilities to fulfill.

     When  addictive people and overly responsible  people
cooperate in meeting each other's needs they become a  co-
dependent  addictive union;  each offering what the  other
needs.    They become addicted to each other and dependent
upon each other in disintegrative ways.

     By  assuming  some  of the  responsibilities  of  the
addict the responsible person encourages the addict to  be
irresponsible;  i.e.,  not responsive to circumstances and
people in  honest  ways.    The  codependent "responsible"
person  assumes  the  responsibility  for  protecting  the
addict  from  the  consequences of being out of touch with
reality and people.   It is a great responsibility, and so
long  as the codependent is successful in  fulfilling  the
responsibility    self   esteem   is   sustained.      The
responsibility  grows without  limit,   however,   and the
strain of  being overly responsible  becomes debilitating.
It is hard  for  the codependent  to  find a way to detach
from the prison of growing responsibilities.

     The  addict  can  not  see  how  to  assume   healthy
responsibility;   to be truly responsive to  circumstances
and people, for the co-dependent is in charge of that area
of life.   That is part of  the deal.   The addict can not
see   how  to  detach  from  the  codependent  and  become
responsibly independent.

     Detachment  is a process of becoming responsible  for
one's  own  self  and  avoiding responsibility  for  other
people  in  ways  which  steal  from  them  their   unique
responsibilities.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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