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                                  %ESSENCE OF LOVES 880327

     Paternalistic  love  seeks its  own  fulfillment   in
coercive  control which is disciplined by certain  ideals.
Authentic   love   seeks   integrative    fulfillment   in
behavior which is free from coercive control.

     Paternalistic    love   is  certain  that  it   knows
wherein   others's fulfillment can be assured.   Authentic
love knows others in integrative behavior,    wherein they
become free to be known as they are in truth.

     Paternalistic   love  is overly confident of its  own
knowledge  of   the   truth within  its  own  convictions.
Authentic  love encourages  others to gain  confidence  in
the fellowship of shared convictions and mutual respect.

     Paternalistic   love   seeks  to  be    fulfilled  in
gaining  control  over  others'   behaviors,    to  assure
their conformity to certain  ideals.    Authentic  love is
fulfilled  in letting others  go in freedom,   to  fulfill
their creative potentials in integrative behavior.

     Paternalistic  love permits restrained enjoyment as a
reward  for   proper    behavior.       Authentic     love
enjoys other people's  creative integrative behavior.

     Paternalistic  love  seeks  to  achieve the fruits of
authentic love,   without knowing or accepting its spirit.
Authentic   love   accepts,  knows and enjoys  its  fruits
in the fellowship  of those who accept and know each other
in its integrative spirit.

     Paternalistic  love  in  fear  rejects  the spirit of
authentic love,   because authentic love rejects the ideal
of being in control.  Authentic love in confidence accepts
and affirms others involved in integrative behavior,   and
knows no need to be in control.

     Paternalistic  love  feels the need to be in control,
because it does not know or accept the spirit of authentic
love. Authentic lovers accept and know each other  without
the   need   to  be in control,  because  they  have  been
known,   accepted and affirmed in the spirit of  authentic
love.

     Paternalistic lovers attach themselves to each  other
in   desperate   efforts  to  save  themselves  and   each
others.   Authentic  lovers  know  they  are safe  in  the
knowledge of mutual  acceptance  and  respect,  guided  by
the spirit of authentic love.

     Paternalistic  lovers  can become authentic lovers if
they  accept  the  spirit  of  authentic  love,   and  let
themselves become known within the fellowship of authentic
love.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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