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   %EXTERNAL REFERENCE ADDICT CODEPENDENT OBJECTIVE 870511

     The  person  who  has been taught  to  be  externally
referenced ends up needing externally defined grounds  for
self respect, self esteem, self confidence, acceptability,
pride, etc.  Such people are not focused in any meaningful
way  on self knowledge or their own unique potentials  and
integrity.    They are preoccupied with appearances  which
can  be  seen from the outside of a person;  and with  the
manipulation of such appearances.  They learn the survival
skills  not only of manipulation of appearances,   but  of
manipulation  of  other peoples'  expectations as  regards
appearances.

     Such people are  not  endearing  and are incapable of
entering into meaningful intimate relationships which  are
mutually   satisfying   through  personal   and   communal
integrity.    They are alienated from themselves and  from
others;  desperately trying to achieve for themselves some
self respect, self esteem, self confidence, acceptability,
pride,    etc.    They  try  to  achieve  such  goals   by
manipulation  of  appearances---because  they  have   been
taught  that  all values and ideals are rooted outside  of
themselves.

     Externally  referenced  people  need  to   manipulate
appearances.    Honesty and openness can not be  important
values to them,  except as deceptive appearances,  but not
in reality.  They realize that manipulative people need to
be constrained,  lest they behave in anti-social ways; and
so they know it  is important to constrain  human behavior
through  the imposition of externally defined  definitions
of  good  and evil.   They teach others the importance  of
being externally referenced,  so that others can be taught
the  difference  between  good and  evil,   and  so  their
antisocial  tendencies can be manipulative to be  held  in
check.    Thus  such  people work hard  on  acquiring  the
knowledge of good and evil and sharing it with others.

     These   respectable   behaviors   teach  people   the
importance  of  striving to be in control and of being  in
control;  for important people are in control.  People try
to  gain  control through the manipulation of  appearances
and of the definitions of what  appearances are desirable.
People become  preoccupied with some  substance,  process,
activity,  creation, etc.  which seems to be the key means
to the control  of  their  feelings  of  insecurity,  self
rejection, rejection by others, etc.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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