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      %NOT BEING IN CONTROL OF RELATIONSHIPS ADDICT 870412

     The  perceived  value of a presumed  ideal  means  to
achieving   some   form  of  control  depends   upon   the
educational  process  which focuses upon  the  specialized
ideal  means.    Any  educational  process  which  focuses
primarily  upon  perceived potential  means  to  achieving
control  and  their implicit values as ideal means to  the
fulfillment   of  the  ideal  of  having  control---is  an
educational  process  which promotes the  addictions which
flow  from the belief that it is good to have control  and
be in control.

     The process of concentrating attention upon potential
means  to  control  in the absence of dialogue  about  the
belief that it is good to be in control---is the laying of
the  foundations  for addictions to all  kinds  of  means.
Such an educational  process contributes to the conviction
that it is good to be in control,  and to make commitments
to  means  which are regarded as ideal means to  being  in
control.

     The addiction process confuses the difference between
means and ends.  Addicts can not think clearly about means
and ends,   and  so can not see  the  end of the addictive
process.   By seeking to be in control of means to the end
of being in control,  addicts in the end,  end up  lacking
any  control  over the end of their lives,  and  over  the
meaning of it.

     People  who  believe it is good to be in control  can
not admit to themselves or others that it is impossible to
be in control of meaningful human relationships, or of the
meaning   of   human  relationships.    Meaningful   human
relationships   depend  upon  the  free  choices  of   the
participants in the relationships.  It is impossible to be
in  control of free choices of participants in  meaningful
relationships.

     People   who  do  not  understand  the  dynamics   of
meaningful  human  relationships can not  achieve  control
over  them.    Therein  lies  the  significant  difference
between people who need to lie,  and those who do not need
to lie.
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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