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                                %KINDS OF MUTUALITY 860612

     A   genuinely   mutual   personal   relationships  is
characterized by mutuality in many complementary ways.

     In  a mutual relationship the participants will  tend
to  describe  the relationship in very similar terms.    A
relationship  is not a mutual relationship if  one  person
describes it as a loving relationship and the other person
describes  it as a paternalistic one.   Any such  strongly
felt difference in how participants perceive and  describe
their relationships indicates it is not a genuinely mutual
relationship.

     To be genuine mutuality must include mutuality in the
exercise of power.   Mutuality and reciprocity as  regards
interests  is important.   Participants are responsive  in
mutually satisfying ways to shared desires.   This can not
be  if power to make minor and important decisions is  not
shared equitably.   The dominance of one person undermines
the possibility of genuine mutuality.

     Mutuality in power and mutuality in  responsibilities
go  hand  in hand just as people participating  in  mutual
relationships  go hand in hand.   The responsibilities and
powers of each need not be identical, but resentment about
differences is a clear sign of lack of genuine mutuality.

     Mutuality    with   regards   to   satisfaction    is
characteristic  of genuinely mutual relationships in which
there  is  mutuality with regards to important aspects  of
the  relationships.   When there is a lack of mutuality as
regards  satisfaction  and enjoyment there needs to  be  a
mutual  effort made to identify the occasion for the lack.
It  may  be in a failure to come to mutually  satisfactory
resolutions of conflicts.

     Mutual  relationships  do involve conflicts  and  the
resolution of conflicts.   Any conflict remains unresolved
so  long  as a participant in the  conflict  continues  to
regard  it  as  not yet satisfactorily  resolved.    If  a
conflict  is viewed as one as continuing to be  worthy  of
more  concern and attention then it has not been  resolved
to the mutual satisfaction of the participants.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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