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This is http://www.essayz.com/a8605051.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %CONTROL OF PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS 860505 People who feel a need to be in control of situations are frustrated with real personal relationships. When any one person is in control of a personal relationship the relationship is not satisfying. Personal relationships can not be controlled to the satisfaction of any person, at least not in any enduring way. Only perverse satisfaction flows from the control of personal relationships. Authentic personal relationships involve mutuality without coercion. If any one person controls a personal relationship there is coercion but not mutuality in the relationship. Authentic personal relationships promote the growth o the participants; they are recreated by, born again in, the relationships. As creatures of their relationship they do not fully control their relationship. Since authentic personal relationships do not involve control and do involve non-coercive mutuality, there is no need to understand one's relationships in an analytic objective way as a means to coercive control of the relationship. Any attempt to understand intimate personal relationships in analytic objective ways leading to attempts to control---is likely to undermine the authenticity of the relationship. Intimate personal relationships should not be respected on the basis of how well they are controlled, nor should control be sought as a means to respect. Only when one has let go of the ideal of being in control of a relationship is it possible to let go and enter authentically as a whole person into a healthy relationship and let it lead to personal liberation and growth. Letting go of the ideal comes first. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================