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                            %CONFIDENCE IN INTIMACY 860501

     It   is   difficult  to  develop  intimate   personal
relationships without personal confidence.   If  rejection
is   feared,   confidence  is  likely  to  be  undermined.
Rejection may be anticipated without fear if one has  high
self esteem.  One may be maturely concerned about possible
rejection without fear if one has  high self esteem.   One
need not fear that which one does not want, yet  which one
anticipates may come to pass,  if one is mature enough and
has self esteem which  will  not  be destroyed  by others'
rejections.   Such healthy self esteem  is  rooted in more
than  the  acceptance  of  mere mortals who can  not  love
unconditionally;    i.e.,    who   tend   to   love   only
conditionally.

     The  enjoyment  of  unconditional  love  builds  self
esteem  and self confidence;  which in turn make  possible
our  entry  into  intimate personal  relationships  within
which to enjoy unconditional love.  Integration follows.

     The  experience  of conditional love  undermines  our
self  esteem  and self confidence;   which  in  turn  make
difficult any  entry into intimate personal relationships,
and so lead to starvation due to the lack of unconditional
love. Disintegration follows.

     The  flip side of the coin of conditional acceptance,
is conditional rejection.   The flip side of the  coin  of
reward,  is punishment.   The flip side of the coin of the
concept "good for acceptance", is "evil and rejected".

     Personal rejection is not the logical consequence  of
judgment of personal failure,  incompetence,  error,  etc.
Personal  rejection is a sign of emotional  immaturity  on
the  part of the one resorting to rejection,  and promotes
immaturity  on  the part of all members of the  community.
People  can not be confident while  entering into intimate
personal  relationships  within  a  society  within  which
personal rejection is common.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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