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The primary foci and priorities of people who are trying with integrity 
and grace to mitigate their own alienative conflicts --- must-revolve-around:

 1. Building Mutual-Trust in each other's most likely behaviors,
 2. Behaving in mutually-understandable and reliable ways,
 3. Fulfilling each other's informed and healthy expectations,
 4. Avoiding actions which make-no-sense to each other,
 5. Helping each other to understand each other's motivations,
 6. Understanding each other's sense of risks and benefits,
 7. Clearly perceiving each other's different perspectives,
 8. Having healthy reasons for cooperative behaviors,
 9. Getting-to-YES in Being-Together in Shalom's Many-Ways,
10. Mutual-Understandings of each other's diverse foci and priorities.

The above paradigm for mitigating-alienative-conflicts is ALL-BACKWARDS
from the paradigm of Domineering-Bullies which is founded upon:

 1. Secrecy rather than Honesty,
 2. Deception rather than Clarifications,
 3. Unilateral-Actions rather than Mutuality,
 4. Violence rather than Gentleness,
 5. Controls rather than Liberations,
 6. Coercion rather than Kindness,
 7. Greed rather than Generosity,
 8. Attacks rather than Hospitality,
 9. Chaos rather than Clarity,
10. Opaqueness rather than Transparency.

All of the contrasts between the above two paradigms --- pertain to
contrasts between Domineering-Bullies' and True-Lovers' understandings
of the Core-Natures of:

 1. Security and Insecurity,
 2. Invulnerability and Vulnerability,
 3. Safety and Risk,
 4. Integrity and Conformity,
 5. Health and Sickness/Dis-Ease,
 6. Wealth and Poverty,
 7. Power and Impotence,
 8. Shalom and Terror,
 9. Peace and Anxiety,
10. Trust and Control.

Additionally, there are differences pertaining to cooperative-mutual-gain 
versus gain-at-each-other-expense; as in: stealing, attacks, threats, 
domination, mobbing and systemic-distributive-injustice.

Least helpful of all, are efforts to "WIN" Collusive-Games-of-Mutual-Self-
Deception --- when it is taboo to: discern, know, describe, or reveal the 
rules of the games.  It is TABOO-TO-REVEAL the rules of the games --- and 
TABOO-TO-REVEAL what it means to win-or-lose such Collusive-Games-of-
Mutual-Self-Deception.  The deceptions focus upon such realities as:

 1. Human's Mortality,
 2. Human's Sexuality,
 3. Space-Ship-Earth's tiny size compared to unimaginably bigger realities,
 4. Space-Ship-Earth's limited supplies of essential fuels and pure minerals,
 5. Limits upon all Exponential Growth Processes within Tiny-Space-Ship-Earth,
 6. Beginnings-and-Endings of all realities within the whole cosmos,
 7. Global-Warming and Climate-Change Patters; and the many causes of them,
 8. Humans' Egocentric-Creations and their often ignored limitations,
 9. The absence of balance and mutuality within God's Space-Ship-Earth,
10. The absence of stability and sustainability within Space-Ship-Earth.

All of the above considerations are relevant, as we seek to set our own 
human priorities in efforts to help each other to mitigate our own 
diverse alienative conflicts --- which we cannot with-integrity mitigate- 
unilaterally for-each-other in any-technocratic-way.  Be aware-and-beware 
of insensitive and thoughtless efforts to fix-what-cannot-be-fixed by 
technocrats-acting-in-alienated-isolation; i.e., unilaterally.

Given that the above texts do point to important aspects of the processes 
of mitigating-alienative-conflicts --- it should be clear that true: 
security, shalom and peace --- are cooperative gifts to each other, rather 
than unilateral achievements created by any person, persons or coalition 
of persons.
                         (c) 2009 by Paul A. Smith in      
  www.essayz.com       Search for Integrity and Honesty        
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)