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   %TRUE-LOVERS GIVE SHARE WELCOME HOSPITABLE SIGNS 040410
%FREE WILLING ABLE READY CREATION INTEGRATIVE TALKS 040410
%BALANCED MUTUAL DIALOGUE SAFELY VULNERABLE INCLUDE 040410
%ACCEPTANCE INCLUSION EXCLUSION AUTHENTIC OPEN EVIL 040410
 %JEALOUS OWNERSHIP PRETENTIOUS SECRETIVE COLLUSIVE 040410

      True-Lovers  give each other clear signals that they
are free,  willing, able,  and ready to give themselves to
each    other   and  to  the  creation   of    integrative
relationships  within   which  they  are   mutually   free
to  be   safely vulnerable  with each other.   True-Lovers
are  inclusive, not exclusive.    True-Lovers are patient,
kind   and   gentle;    not    impatient,     unkind   and
coercive/domineering.    True-Lovers  are authentic,  open
and honest;  not pretentious, secretive and collusive.

      People  who  are jealous,  domineering,   addictive,
controllers,  etc.  --- are NOT free,  willing,  able,  OR
ready to give themselves to each other in the creation  of
integrative   relationships within which everyone is  free
to  be   safely  vulnerable with each other.   Such-people
are  exclusive,   NOT   inclusive.    Such-people  are NOT
patient, kind or gentle;  often being impatient,   unkind,
coercive and domineering.   Such-people are NOT authentic,
open,   or honest; often being pretentious,  secretive and
collusive.

      In the light of the above,  give some  consideration
to   related  human  ways  of   viewing  intimacy/honesty.
Intimacy is  closely related to  honesty,    authenticity,
openness, true-dialogue.    Jealous  people do NOT  define
intimacy exclusively  in  terms of close-physical-contact!
If   a person whom they presume-to-own associates  closely
with   a "competitor"   in ways which are open,    honest,
authentic,   and entail true-dialogue ---    a    jealous-
presumptive-owner will  object to "intimacy"  ---  even if
there   is  absolutely no  physical  contact.   They  will


object to  them  even looking into each  other's eyes from
opposite sides  of  the room!   Mutually acknowledged eye-
contact is objected to ---  as much as physical contact is
objected to.

      Which of the following is NOT a form of intimacy?

      1.  Being  in dialogue about which  religious  views
one takes seriously;   and  which  religious  views one is
indifferent  to;    likewise  for  religious confessional-
statements, rituals, taboos, etc.

      2.  Being  in  dialogue  about which  of  one's  own
personal experiences have been most meaningful to oneself.

      3.  Sharing-with-each-other      one's-own-personal:
hopes, aspirations, fears, expectations, etc.

      4.  Sharing-honestly-with-each-other  ---  views  of
people    in    positions   of   authority,     influence,
responsibility, etc.

      5.  Sharing one's own beliefs  about the best way to
create healthy sexual relationships; and how best to avoid
perverse sexual relationships.

      6.  Sharing  one's  own  beliefs about how  best  to
avoid   getting   trapped  in  relationships  which   are:
domineering,  coercive, dishonest, pretentious, addictive,
arrogant, self-righteous, etc.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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