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  %BEST FRIEND INTIMACY RELATIONSHIPS CIRCUMSTANCES+040208
  %NEW LEVELS KINDS OPEN HONEST RELIABLY ANTICIPATE+040208
 %PREDICT CONTROL DOMINATE RESULTS CONSEQUENCES SEX+040208
 %SIN DEVILS FAMILY FRIENDS ASSOCIATES CHURCHES GOD+040208
 %ALIENATION ESTRANGEMENT IGNORANCE DIALOGUE FALLEN+040208
 %MARRIAGE COVENANT PROMISE UNILATERAL SUCCESS GOOD 040208
                                                          
     Not  even  under the best of circumstances,  and  not
even  for  the  best of friends,   can  those  who  become
involved  in  new  levels  and  kinds  of open and  honest
intimacy --- reliably anticipate,  predict or control  the
results  of those new levels and  kinds  of  intimacy  for
themselves, their families and their friends.             
                                                          
     The  more domineering that people are ---   the  more
likely  it is that they will believe,  think and feel sure
that  they  can be in control of the results  of  any  new
levels  and  kinds of intimacy which they choose to engage
in  unilaterally.    They  specialize  in  domination  and
control!  They are experts at domination and control!     
                                                          
     The  more  domineering that people are ---  the  less
likely  it is that they will be well  informed  about  the
natures  of  their present  "friendships",   "intimacies",
"loyalties"   and personal "relationships".    Because  of
their  alienations they do not have,  and cannot  acquire,
the  intimate  knowledge  which   is  needed  to  reliably
anticipate, predict  or control the course of evolution of
any of their "personal relationships".                    
                                                          
     Not  even  True Lovers  can be sure  that  they  know
enough  to  reliably anticipate,  predict or  control  the
course  of  evolution of their own personal  relationships
and  intimacies.   All humans have limitations.    In  the
sense of modern "Chaos Theory" (which has grown out of the
study  of  "the  weather"   and  nearly periodic   cyclic-
processes such as dripping water, heart beats and breaking
ocean   waves)    the  cycles of human relationships   are
chaotic processes which cannot be predicted very far  into
the future.   Uncertainties about the beginning conditions
of all of the relevant relationships make it impossible to
predict  the  future at all well for at all far  into  the
future.    People who participate openly and honestly   in
human relationships --- are often fundamentally changed by
their  participations ---  and so their relationships  are
changed in ways which they cannot predict or control.   It
is  dishonest  to pretend otherwise  and to make  promises
which cannot be kept.                                     
                                                          
     True Lovers do,  however,  enter into meaningful  and
integrative  covenants  which  do  not  entail  domination
and/or control.   They learn to rely on each other and  to
trust each other to respond to each other's changes --- in
ways  which  are  balanced  and  mutually  meaningful   in
gracious ways.   They cooperate in resolving conflicts and
misunderstandings  thorough open and honest  dialogue  and
intimacies --- without anybody trying to be dominant or be
in  control of outcomes.    They  do  not  try to  conform
themselves, each other, or their relationships to any pre-
conceived ideal forms.    They do not demand that there be
any such process of conforming to any "ideal forms".      
                                                          
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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