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     %TERRIBLE DILEMMA INTIMATE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP 030829
     %WOMEN COLLUSION DOUBLE BIND SAFELY VULNERABLE 030829
        %SECURITY FREEDOM GIFTS EXCHANGE ACCEPTANCE 030829
  %LOVERS REJECTION GUARANTEE OUTCOMES CONSEQUENCES 030829
       %BELIEFS CHOICES CONVICTIONS ABSOLUTE TRUTHS 030829
             %AUTHORITIES ANCIENT IT THOU REFLEXIVE 030829
               %HONESTY HOSPITALITY CIVILITY REVERE 030829

     Domineering people  (men or  women) face  a  terrible
dilemma in their intimate/sexual relationships:

     1.  To be  faithful to  "The  Macho-Mentality",  "The
Domination System", "The Domineering Powers That Be", "The
Gang"   ---   by whatever name ---  they cannot  be  truly
intimate/vulnerable with any other person.

     2.  They cannot  be  truly secure or intimate  in the
total absence of vulnerability; for true security is known
only  when  we  are safely vulnerable  within  a  communal
sanctuary wherein people exchange gifts of the freedom  to
be safely vulnerable.

     3.  Intimate  others cannot guarantee that they  will
always be utterly perfect,  reliable or predictable;   for
even the best of people are not utterly perfect,  reliable
or predictable.

     4.  Truly  intimate/sexual  relationships  cannot  be
controlled  by  anybody;   be they  participants  or  non-
participants   in    the    controlled   "intimate/sexual"
relationships.  Anybody who pretends that they can control
any truly intimate/sexual  relationship  ---  is certainly
not  a  participant within such a true relationship;   and
most  likely is a participant within one or more collusive
games of mutual self deception.

     5.  To   the  extent  that  domineering  people   are
successful  in their efforts ---  they exclude  themselves
from  truly  intimate/sexual  relationships  in  order  to
appear  to be successful in their efforts.     Domineering
people sacrifice personal and communal integrities for the
appearance  of successful domination ---  while the people
they  presume to be dominating see more clearly  than  the
domineering people do how futile the pretenses are.

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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