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%CHILDREN GROWING ADOLESCENCE RECOGNIZE FRIENDS SIN 030826
%ALIENATION ESTRANGEMENT EXCOMMUNICATION DEVILS GOD 030826
%RISKS TRUSTED LOVERS INTIMACIES GUARANTEE PROMISED 030826
  %FAITHFUL LOYAL GANG DOMINANT LEADERS CONTROLLERS 030826
%TRULY CONTROL OUTCOMES AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS WAY 030826
  %ABUSED NEGATIONS AFFIRMATIONS PERVERSIONS TRUTHS 030826

     Children  growing into adolescence need to learn  how
to  reliably recognize  which people,   friends and groups
--- merit high levels of respect and trust;   and which of
them --- do not merit high levels of respect and trust.

     There  is always some risk in trusting any person  or
friend --- because nobody is perfect; i.e.,  without flaw.
No person can truly guarantee that they will be able to be
and  do  what they truly and wisely intend to be  and  do;
within  their  personal relationships. This is because  we
cannot  truly control all aspects of the outcomes of  even
our most healthy relationships.

     What then, are some of the signals of the presence of
real danger within our relationships;  i.e., signs that we
need to be truly cautious  in how far  we trust particular
people,  friends and groups?  The following texts point to
frequent  signs of  serious danger.   Be cautious  in  the
presence  of  these  signs  ---  especially when  you  are
trying to be helpful:

     1.  Dishonesty, deception and misleading behaviors.

     2.  Coercive, manipulative and violent behaviors.

     3.  Attempts to control or dominate other people.

     4.  Pretending to be superior to others as persons.

     5.  Arrogance, secretiveness and self-righteousness.

     6.  Greed, self-centeredness, narcissism, egotism.

     7.  Exclusivity as regards ideals, values and people.

     8.  An exclusive focus on technical questions/issues.

     9.  Failing to respect complementary kinds of people.

    10.  Not being reverent toward any wonderful reality.

    11.  Excommunications, alienations and estrangements.

    12.  Addictions, codependent supporters & collusions.

     It  is  helpful  to  turn  the  above  warnings  into
complementary positive  statements;   e.g.,   to  describe
positive  signs  that  point to the kinds  of  people  and
personal  relationships that truly do merit high levels of
respect,   honor,   trust  ---   and  perhaps  even  merit
reverence.

     Usually  our positive affirmations are less likely to
be  abused,  than are our negative statements ---  such as
those  negative  ones  above.   We need to  clarify  which
attitudes and behaviors  are  truly virtuous;  and clarify
those  attitudes and behaviors that are signs  of  serious
danger.

     The above set of suggestions is not complete.   There
are many complementary additions which  need to be offered
and discussed by growing young people!   Be true, kind and
gracious   to  yourself  and  to  many  other  people   in
augmenting  the  list.    Maintain  balance.    Beware  of
extremism and extremists. Shalom!

                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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