This is http://www.essayz.com/b0212101.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %GREAT CIVILIZATIONS CIVILITY HOSPITALITY CIVICS+021210 %RELATIONSHIPS BALANCE MUTUALITY JOYS PLEASURES+021210 %FULFILLMENT MEANINGFUL INTIMACY SANCTUARIES GOD+021210 %DEVILS SALVATION RECONCILIATION HEALING SINNERS+021210 %DISEASE SICKNESS CONTENTIOUSNESS CONFLICTS FALL+021210 %VIOLENCE RESOLUTION NUCLEAR WAR TERRORISM FAILURE 021210 While it is true that our joys, pleasures and sense of meaning in our lives do depend in part upon what we believe and accomplish --- it is also true that our joys, pleasures and sense of meaning in our lives depend equally upon our relationships with people who are independent-of and/or interdependent-with us. If we sacrifice the quality of our relationships with people because of our beliefs, and/or to achieve something; or own/control some things --- we tragically lose our joys, pleasures and sense of meaning in our lives. We sacrifice the quality of our relationships with people when we try to own/control them as if our relationships with people were "things" which can be gotten, purchased, owned and/or controlled in some unilateral way. All joyful, pleasing and meaningful relationships are joint-ventures which are built through long-term non-coercive efforts. Any unilateral efforts to buy, get, own or control "our" relationships --- destroy that which we try to buy, get, own or control. Domineering people are unaware of, insensitive to, and/or deny the importance of the above realities. They focus upon getting vulnerable people to be submissive to domination; to accept external controls over their experiences, perceptions, understandings, desires, thoughts, hopes, aspirations and communications. The only kind of relationships which domineering people value are relationships in which they are dominant and others are submissive. They do not value, honor, affirm or facilitate: authenticity, honesty, mutuality, reciprocity, civility, hospitality, balance, dialogue, cooperation, etc. Domineering people do not know about or value healthy relationships which are the kind foundations of all great civilizations. We cannot facilitate and promote healthy personal relationships with other people so long as we FAIL to: 1. Be truly interested in other people and their needs, desires, hopes, aspirations, views, etc. --- so that we can better cooperate with them. 2. Let-go of our sense that it is our right or duty to control/dominate them. 3. Seek to facilitate and promote open and honest dialogue with them. 4. Be willing to be as vulnerable to them as they are vulnerable to us. 5. Be committed to facilitating and promoting both personal & communal - integrations & integrities. 6. Focus upon our relationships; as much as we focus upon ourselves and others as independent individuals, apart from personal relationships. 7. Focus upon the ways in which "evil" pertains to alienation and estrangement as characteristics of our RELATIONSHIPS. 8. Let-go of the sense that it is our right or duty to pass judgment upon other people who are different from us, because they are graciously and honestly seeking to demonstrate their integrities in different ways than we do. 9. Let-go of the sense that "evil" has to do with people failing to conform properly; rather than with alienation, estrangement, misunderstanding, prejudice and ignorance as tragic aspects of our human RELATIONSHIPS. 10. Let-go of the sense that it is our right or duty to determine the meaning/significance of emblems, signals, rites, events, stories, texts, etc. for people who are "different". 11. Let-go of a god who is a domineering supporter of "The Domination" system; e.g., willing to force his son to be a sacrificial lamb to wipe out the sins which a domineering omnipotent father is un- willing to wipe out on his own. 12. Let-go of a god who creates divisive differences between his children; calling some of them to be special/dominant over others who are seen to be vulnerable, thirsty, hungry, homeless, tired, sick, imprisoned, imperfect, confused, doubtful, naked, etc. 13. Let-go of a god who teaches some of her children how to tell which of her children are "good" and which of her children are "evil". (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================