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     %POSSIBLE PERSONAL RELATIONHIP DEPENDS DIVERSE+020720
      %FLEXIBLE TOLERANT REVERENCENEEDS PERCEPTIONS+020720
    %COMPLEMENTARY NEEDS DESIRES HEALTH OPEN HONEST+020720
 %COMMITTED DOMINATION SYSTEM SUBVERT COMMUNICATION+020720
 %RIGHTS INDIVIDUALS COMMUNITY INTEGRITY BLAME EVIL+020720
  %RELATIONSHIPS MUTUAL BALANCE RESPECT HONOR TRUST 020720
                                                          
     What is possible in a personal relationship depends  
       upon many diverse factors, not just one or a few:  
                                                          
     1.  How flexible and graciously tolerant those in    
         the relationship are with each other.            
                                                          
     2.  How intuitively the participants understand      
         each other's needs, perceptions, desires, etc.   
                                                          
     3.  How complementary the participants' strengths    
         and weaknesses are.                              
                                                          
     4.  How healthy (both mentally and physically) the   
         participants are.                                
                                                          
     5.  How well committed the participants are to being 
         open and honest with each other.                 
                                                          
     6.  How well the participants are able to under-     
         stand, transcend, and subvert "The Domination    
         System".                                         
                                                          
     7.  How pervasive "The Domination System" is within  
         their community, family, close friends,          
         work-place, religious group(s), etc.             
                                                          
     8.  How intelligent, creative, and well educated the 
         participants are in regard to personal           
         relationships.                                   
                                                          
     9.  How well the community protects communication    
         rights of the least powerful members of the      
         community.                                       
                                                          
     10. How tolerant the community is of true-lovers,    
         creative-people, imaginative-people, prophets,   
         systems-analysts, peacemakers, diplomats, and    
         people dedicated to real-conflict-resolution.    
                                                          
     In the light of the above considerations it is not   
       helpful to blame any one person in a failed        
         relationship --- as if it was only the one       
           person's fault that the relationships failed.  
             Neither is it helpful to blame only the      
               primary participants in the relationship   
                 --- as if it was only their fault;       
                   apart from dysfunctional contributions 
                     by other individuals and the whole   
                       community who may have led to the  
                         failure of the relationship.     
                           It is helpful to be open to    
                             discovering all of the       
                               diverse contributors;      
                                 but it is not helpful    
                                   to be compulsive in    
                                     finding and blaming  
                                       all of them.       
                                                          
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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