This is http://www.essayz.com/a9812172.htm Previous-Essay <== This-Essay ==> Following-Essay Click HERE on this line to find essays via Your-Key-Words. {Most frequent wordstarts of each essay will be put here.} ========================================================== %RULES LAWS COMMANDMENTS PRESCRIPTIONS PUNISHMENTS+981217 %INAPPROPRIATE INTIMACY ALIENATION ARROGANCE SEXUAL+981217 %FRIENDSHIP EXCLUSIVITY REJECTION SELF RIGHTEOUS+981217 %HAUGHTY DISDAINFUL INSOLENT SUPERCILIOUS SUPERIOR 981217 Rarely are people truly balanced in punishing people who are arrogant, exclusive, self-righteous, haughty, disdainful, insolent, supercilious and alienative; rather than overly friendly and intimate. "Crimes of imprudent intimacy" are usually dealt with more severely than are equally serious "crimes of arrogance and self-righteousness". Few communities have articulated helpful criteria for distinguishing between healthy intimacy and un-healthy intimacy. To often the advice is: when in doubt avoid intimacy. Such advice is encouraged by people who are arrogant, self-righteous and proud of their alienative postures. They promote both personal and communal disintegration --- and are usually proud of how well they approach imperfections in human relationships. Rarely are they aware of or willing to admit how much they contribute to the generation of human imperfect relationships which are characterized by alienation, resentment, anger, distrust, suspicion, etc. People who are yearning for healthy love and intimacy are all too often discouraged by and/or threatened by: 1. Tacit rules and understandings which say that inappropriate intimacy will be punished more severely than similarly inappropriate alienation. 2. The fear of rejection by anybody whom they seek to be friends with. 3. The fear that they will make the mistake of seeking to be friends with someone prone to take advantage of their vulnerability. 4. The fear that others' apparent invitations to become involved in a friendly relationships may be traps. 5. The fear of letting go of the ability to be unilaterally in control of a relationship. 6. The fear of being overwhelmed by instincts, emotions and desires which cannot be controlled easily. 7. The fear of making mistakes which will not be forgiven; and will be taken advantage of by intolerant people. 8. The fear that powerful people who are arrogant and self-righteous will attack in ways which cannot easily be defended against --- because the attacks are tacit, subtle, indirect, and invite others to assume guilt until innocence is proven. 9. In the absence of Love fear rules powerful people and their relationships. (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy) ==========================================================