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 %NECESSARY SUFFICIENT RESTRAINT DISCIPLE LAW ORDER 980720                                                                     
                                                                                                                               
     Our   efforts  to  develop  healthy  intimate   human                     
relationships often fail  ---- for  lack of agreement upon                                                              
necessary,   sufficient,  proper and respectable modes  of                                      
guidance, restraint, discipline, etc.                                                                                          
                                                                                                                               
     Throughout  history many attempts have been  made  to               
articulate  guidelines,  rules,  disciplines,  principles,                                                                     
ideals, values, prescriptions, proscriptions, taboos, etc.                                         
--- to guide, restrain and discipline human relationships.                                            
There   has   rarely  been  agreement  about   when   such                                                                     
articulations are:                                                                                                             
                                                                                                                               
     1.  Necessary, essential, mandatory, of ultimate                  
         concern, and/or exclusively valid.                       
                                                                                                                               
     2.  Generally worthy of respect, honor and support.                                      
                                                                                                                               
     3.  Worthy of respect, honor and support only under                                      
         particular described circumstances.                           
                                                                                                                               
     4.  Prone to mislead people and promote tragic                                                                    
         disintegration.                                                                   
                                                                                                                               
     Disagreements about  and conflicts over articulations                                              
have usually been over considerations about what should be                                                                     
done when people fail/refuse to honor the articulations in                                                                    
word  and  deed.     Less  often   have disagreements  and                                                                     
conflicts revolved around the content of the articulations                
themselves.      Conflict   is   over  their   status   in    
judgmental,      judicial    and    informal    intuitive                                                                      
considerations.                                                                                                                
                                                                                                                               
     Conflict is particularly intense among people who are                           
preoccupied with:  exclusivity,  dichotomous propositions,                       
purity, controls and certainty --- perhaps because of deep                          
levels  of insecurity and anxiety nurtured in  their early                                                                     
lives.   Such people fail to show  respect and support for                                      
balance,   personal  integrity and  communal integrity ---                                                                
because   they  are  excessively  preoccupied  with  other                          
considerations.                                                                                                                
                                                                                                                               
     When  considering  any articulations regarding  human               
intimacy  ---  we need give careful thought to whether  or                 
not the articulations merit respect, support and honor as:                                      
                                                                                                                               
     1.  Descriptions which helpfully point to particular                           
         aspects of many intimate relationships;               
                                                                                                                               
     2.  Necessary, essential, mandatory, of ultimate                  
         concern, and/or exclusively valid --- as pre-                       
         scriptions and/or proscriptions;                                                                                      
                                                                                                                               
     3.  Guidelines which are generally worthy of respect,                                      
         honor and support;                                                                                                    
                                                                                                                               
     4.  Suggestions   worthy  of  respect,    honor   and                                      
         support --- only under particular circumstances;                           
                                                                                                                               
                            OR AS                                                                                              
                                                                                                                               
     5.  Articulations which are prone to mislead people                                                                    
         and promote disintegration.                                                                   
                                                                                                                               
     Often  conflicts  over  the  status of  articulations                                              
pertaining   to   human   intimacy   ---  engender    more                     
disintegration   than   would   the   absence   of    such                                                                   
articulations  and/or the absence of respect, honor and/or                                      
support for them.                                                                                                              
                                                                                                                               
                         (c) 2005 by Paul A. Smith in      
                    (On Being Yourself, Whole and Healthy)  
                                                                                                                               
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